At the height of the Cold War, the Soviet Union stopped at nothing to get the drop on the good old US of A! Recruiting their best and brightest to serve as infiltrators, the Reds spared no expense, going so far as to build an exact replica of a small town so perfect in its appearance, it looked like Warner Brothers’ Midwest Street backlot set! Later in the movie, the very same set was used again, this time pretending to be a small town in Arizona, the explanation being that the Russians used that town as the model for their own fake town! Whatever, it looks like you just watched The Music Man too many times! Continue reading
All the warning signs were there. The crabby old woman who owns the house but hides in the attic. Mason, the high school kid who handles the actual renting out of the rooms who is so creepy you hope he is only a perverted peeper. The room for rent that he ominously announces used to be his sister’s. Based on the available data there’s at least a 75% chance anyone staying at that house is going to be either skinned alive, eaten or held prisoner to be some inbred mutant’s sex toy.
So why would sexy college girl Scotty still rent a room there? Because it’s $50 a month! That’s a damn good deal in any housing market, let alone a university town with a shortage of housing! Continue reading
There’s a lot of risks being cryogenically frozen with the intent of being thawed out years later once your medical issues can be resolved. Your disease might never be treatable. The cryo unit may malfunction or the facility may go out of business. You might even get damaged when you get defrosted and suffer some heinous side effects like split ends. Caroline Carmichael at least had no worries in that department because she woke up with the most luxurious 1970s hair this side of Farrah Fawcett! (Now that’s what I call a scientific advance!) Continue reading
Blue Underground’s DVD of Revolver finally answers that ages-old question of the cinema, “did Oliver Reed really eat light bulbs after trying to out drink Fabio Testi and failing?” Continue reading
On the surface, this movie delivers exactly what it promises. There’s a bunch of snakes and they kill people. I don’t imagine that a movie called The Killer Snakes owes me a lot more than that, but did it have to be so horribly scuzzy? Continue reading
Giallo a Venezia gets criticized quite a bit for generally being a disgusting piece of trash. Normally, I’m inclined to dismiss claims such as this as the ravings of oversensitive bluenoses, but after suffering through this one though, I am reluctantly inclined to agree wholeheartedly. After all, who can argue that the presence of naked dudes in this movie isn’t completely gratuitous and has no place in an otherwise upstanding and sleazy slice-n-dice? Continue reading
Welcome one and all to Ocean View Park, the gassiest place on Earth! You might think it’s called that because of the green cotton candy the awkwardly shy Jenny Flowers is spinning between bouts of self-loathing or because frazzled college student and popcorn machine expert Phil Brady, who is also saddled with a pregnant clairvoyant wife (this is a total 1970s TV movie, isn’t it?), is handing out boxes of popcorn to disgruntled customers angry at the machine being broken down.
And it very well could have been, but the film never indicated that star Mike Connors’ frequently pained facial expressions were caused by an inordinate amount of guest flatulence. The film does indicate, and this is very instructive for future theme park designers, that the gas main running through the park probably shouldn’t be right next to the old wooden roller coaster. Continue reading
Yesterday’s Child depicts a more innocent time in our history when a messed up rich family with a missing child didn’t have to worry about genetic testing uncovering the awful truth about what really happened all those years ago when mom supposedly lost poor little Ann at the park playing hide and seek. But even living in the dark ages where disgruntled heirs had to just take the word of a stranger who rolls in with just enough circumstantial evidence to convince a desperate and domineering grandmother that the hot little lady on the door step is her long last granddaughter, and more importantly the long lost granddaughter entitled to her dead daddy’s trust, there were other more low tech ways to make sure she really was part of your insane family. Continue reading
Something is terribly wrong at the Tower Mountain Research Station! It’s horror at high altitude when two scientists arrive to replace one of their colleagues whose radio transmissions have grown increasingly erratic and they discover him dead at the radio, once a brilliant man, now only an egghead-flavored Popsicle, but worse, he left the lab a total mess! Continue reading
Once there was a movie called simply enough, Emmanuelle. Released in 1974, it starred Sylvia Kristel as a horny French gal living in Bangkok. Sporting such a powerful plot, the movie easily spawned about seven legitimate sequels. But this isn’t our Emmanuelle. You see our Emanuelle is known as the Black Emanuelle and if she had to sacrifice an “M” in her name to avoid being sued, she more than made up for it by ditching the French softcore style of the original for an even more trashy Italian style! Continue reading