Former piloting mentor turned traitorous bad guy Ratcher (Richard Norton) yells at Vince Connors (Michael Dudikoff) during their climatic dog fight “I’ll out fly you in a school bus!” provoking a chuckle at the thought of the Australian kickboxing movie icon flying around the sky in a big bright yellow bus doing loops and barrel rolls while the Dude looks on in stupefied disbelief.
None of that happened of course and the Dude ends up getting behind Ratcher and executing a move so that one of Ratcher’s own heat seeking missiles blows up him and his school bus fantasy, but it was surely the most memorable moment of a movie that was so generic, it was easily sort of remade as an equally generic Steven Seagal film, Flight of Fury. Continue reading
Someone is killing the most beautiful fashion models and all the great dart champions in the city are the prime suspects! And only one super rich arrogant prick of a cop can bring down the whole opium operation that has nothing to do with it!
But it’s going to take the combined commando assault talents of Mrs. Gene Simmons, Shannon Tweed and former pro wrestler Tiny “Zeus” Lister to help scab American Ninja David Bradley bring things to an appropriately explosive climax!
A climax made possible because of David’s use of an advanced bit of mid-1990s tech called an online dictionary that allowed him to look up the definition of the word “nirvana” which provided a vital and utterly preposterous clue! Continue reading
If it wasn’t for the fact that director Joe D’Amato (Blue Angel Cafe, Heroes In Hell) made a bunch of Ator movies, a bunch of Emanuelle movies, a bunch of dirty movies, Endgame, and even something called Porno Holocaust, one might get the idea from Passion’s Flower that Joe didn’t have a clue what he was doing. Continue reading
Buck, the Canadian wonderdog who was last seen in Buck At The Edge Of Heaven returns for a final, fantastical frontier odyssey of whip-wielding broads and black guys pretending to be Indians! Continue reading
I’m not one of those 2-D snobs when it comes to my animation. I realize that there is a contingent of folks out there that bemoan the disappearance of the traditionally drawn “flat” animation and bitterly complain about how cartoons have lost something with the advent of computer generated images. Like anything else though, the old style animation was just as capable as producing crap as any art form. If you don’t believe me, then you never sat through Saturday morning cartoons during the 1980s. (With the exception of Thundarr the Barbarian of course.) Continue reading
The premise is simple enough: mobster doublecrossed by fellow mobsters gets killed, rebuilt as a cyborg and returns to wreak havoc on those responsible for his death. As director Takashi Miike (Audition, Sabu) notes in an interview contained on the DVD, it was really so simple a premise that it wasn’t conceived by a screenwriter, director, or even a money-grubbing producer, but by a property guy who worked at the studio! Continue reading
I knew I was in trouble right from the beginning when a message appeared on the screen that if this film caused someone to meditate, then it would have been worth the effort. I was pretty sure that when I tracked down a copy of The Web Of Silence – A.I.D.S., it was because it was an Italian movie that was going to either gross me out or make me laugh and hopefully both. I was also pretty sure that I didn’t buy it because I was in need of meditation inspiration. That’s what my day job is for. Continue reading
The real villain in Pinocchio’s Revenge is of course the mother, Jennifer. While it is either her crazy daughter Zoey, her killer puppet Pinocchio or a combination of both of them killing everyone (and by “everyone” I mean exactly two), Jennifer is the self-absorbed defense attorney who allows it all to happen even when she is presented with videotaped evidence that her daughter is insane.
Most parents upon seeing video of their kid arguing with a puppet about who really hurt the boyfriend would be understandably upset, but would also surely see the child needs to be locked up until she stops bickering with a wood carving. Jennifer’s response? She threatens to use her legal resources to have the doctor’s license pulled if he tells anyone about his concerns! Typical defense attorney, right? Continue reading
Pumpkinhead II: Blood Wings is the sort of film that when you see famous presidential half-brother Roger Clinton in the opening credits, you cringe at the thought of how his gratuitous presence is going to ruin what would otherwise be a serviceable sequel to a decent horror movie, but by the time of the closing credits, you are thinking that at least the two pointless scenes with Roger Clinton as the mayor with an entourage were goofy enough that you actually remembered them, unlike the rest of what is the ultimate in generic straight-to-video 1990s horror trash. Continue reading
War Bus Commando is obviously the most famous Johnny Hondo adventure, mainly because it features Johnny Hondo. Soldier Of Fortune is the less famous Johnny Hondo entry in the series though it contains many of the same elements we loved from War Bus Commando: rocky Balkan locations substituting for Afghanistan, stuff blowing up, a funny-looking star, and evil Russians. Unfortunately, it seems destined to never receive the recognition as a great Johnny Hondo movie just because it features a guy named Vincent Miles instead of Johnny Hondo! Continue reading