The Luck of the Irish is a made for Disney TV movie whose preachy message of tolerance and diversity is nonchalantly tossed overboard in the final act of the movie so that its conventional fantasy movie plot of recovering a powerful object from the villains can be served.
A lame attempt to rehab things in the final scene by bludgeoning the audience over the head with the star’s ill-advised attempt to make Irish step dancing cool and in one of the more cringeworthy moments in the history of film, then having him sing “This Land is Your Land” while members of the audience join in only serves to possibly explain why you never heard of any of the actors involved ever again. Continue reading
The Golden Triangle. The Chinese military. The Russian mafia. A corrupt small town police force. Dump them all into the patented Low Budget Action Movie Steve-O-Matic and what slides out as easily as a bloated up action star’s all you can eat on-set catering fueled stool is A Dangerous Man! Continue reading
“Listen brother, if I get back in, a thousand motherfuckers are going to die.” So begins Steven Seagal‘s involvment in yet another convoluted mission the CIA needs him to handle. It’s all off the books of course though I am never sure how anything a guy with his weird hair, odd fashion sense and distinctive orange tinted prescription eyeglasses does could ever be off the books. And if it all ends up being several hundred dead motherfuckers short of Seagal’s earlier promise, I feel pretty good about taking an IOU from him since Contract to Kill was his seventh film of 2016. Continue reading
Those of you new to this Battle Royale stuff need to check out the first one. Not because it’s necessary to understand or enjoy the second (heck, I saw the first one and I still didn’t know what was happening in this one), but because it’s a whole lot better, or at least, it’s more focused. Plus, in the first one you get lots of Beat Takeshi, while we’re relegated to about ninety seconds of Beat in cameo-flashback mode here. Continue reading
Battle Royale takes place in one of those ridiculous futures that only exist to set up the preposterous premise of the movie. Continue reading
Is the 26th time the charm for Godzilla? Experience had taught me not to expect a whole lot from this movie, especially since Godzilla was going to be hammering on his metal twin, Mechagodzilla. Three times previously, someone had the bright idea that all it would take to defeat him is a really big, clunky robot that other than looking slightly like Godzilla really had nothing going for it. Continue reading
This is the movie about nine guys who break out of prison that manages to be both funny and sad that we’ve all been waiting for!
It’s a bit of a dirty trick since you get lulled into the rollicking road trip aspect of the film following their exploits as they search for some buried treasure that the tenth guy in their cell (he didn’t get to go on their field trip for some reason) has clued them in on only to have the carpet pulled out from under us ever so slowly and deliberately as the movie’s second half unfolds. Continue reading
Blue Spring is one of those movies where I kept waiting for something to happen that would shake things up and distinguish it from any number of other boring, brooding teen pics. Instead, the movie wanders around for the first hour like an uninspired delinquent ditching class without any plans, before finally settling on detailing the rivalry between former friends Kujo and Aoki and how Aoki just wanted Kujo’s attention.
Aoki clearly forgot that he, Kujo, and the rest of the senior class at the local all boys high school just don’t care about anything or anyone! Gawd Aoki! Try to remember your gimmick! Continue reading
This is the Pumpkinhead sequel for William Shakespeare fans! After the standard issue horror plots of the previous three films which included a dad getting revenge for the death of his son, Pumpkinhead’s half-breed son getting revenge for his own death and a town getting revenge because the local crematorium defrauded everyone, we finally get a story of star-crossed lovers whose tale of warring families and forbidden love can’t help to bring to mind Romeo and Juliet. Continue reading
Common sense would dictate that a certain hick town nearbouts Razorback Holler wouldn’t have all that much crime happening. The last time some city folk came by and killed a local boy, old Pumpkinhead showed up and slaughtered the lot of them. Then his boy appeared to kill not only a bunch of townspeople but also another pack of moronic teens. People should be no more inclined to commit some wrong there than they would in a similarly strict place like Singapore. Except that instead of getting caned for throwing your gum on the sidewalk, you’d have your head crushed by demonic claws! Continue reading