Has Bruno Mattei ever made a bad movie? Or at least a bad movie that I haven’t loved? The Auteur of Awful responsible for such varied success stories as Rats: Night of Terror (the best giant-rats-take-over-the-world movie ever!), Hell Of The Living Dead (crossdressers against zombies? That’s just common sense film making!), the literally excrement-filled Violence in a Women’s Prison, and the impenetrably fantastic mess that was aptly titled The Other Hell, checks in with his take on yet another junkfood genre – the killer shark movie! Continue reading
Among the various secret Nazi plans to win WWII that involved the occult, clones, brain transplants, looted gold, and lost arks, the most fearsome of all (according to this movie at least, but it’s probably a bit biased) was the creation of the Death Corps.
The Death Corps, as both the narrator and later Peter Cushing would explain, were a bunch of thugs and murderers who were turned into zombies that lived only to kill. Now, I would have just thought that those things would be called Nazis, but these Death Corps guys were apparently Nazis that had turned it up a notch. Continue reading
Like the debris from the boats that the killer octopus leaves scattered here and there between bouts of eating children, the hideous aspects of this film featuring Henry Fonda (apparently warming up for The Swarm) are strewn helter skelter throughout every facet of it. Continue reading
Though it’s clear to you and I as soon he reads the telegram and that “holy crap, my doctor says that experimental treatment he gave me to help me recover from that horrific plane crash is going to slowly turn me into a human alligator” look comes over his face as to why he has to leave, for some reason Joyce Webster can’t puzzle any of it out. Continue reading
The Intruder Within unsurprisingly accomplishes less than Alien, which it relentlessly rips off for its 90 minutes. But The Intruder Within accomplishes all this failure with less resources! Continue reading
Since The Monster That Challenged The World was made in the 1950s, the titular monster is an enlarged beast in the tradition of every other supersized household pest of the era (spiders, ants, grasshoppers, women) and is after gals in bathing suits.
That isn’t strictly its plan, but that’s how it kind of plays out in this remarkably unremarkable monster rampage movie starring a washed up star of grade Z cowboy movies and a monster that alternately looks like a caterpillar with pincers or a big lumpy piece of dog turd, depending on the angle. At least it didn’t look like a snail since, you know, that’s what it really was. Continue reading
The problem with these movies that were made in the 1950s about big sea monsters cavorting around in scenic coves is that the actors back then had no compunction about doing a swimsuit scene without the benefit of about three months of intense training. (Or at least cutting back on the Pabst about two weeks prior to shooting.) Continue reading
You ever have one of those days where you wish you could go back to bed and start it all over again like Bill Murray in that irritating Groundhog Day movie? I’m pretty sure that’s how Dave Walker felt in this movie about guys in black tarps harassing backwoods types. Dave is the lard ass who runs the general store that serves the tri-swamp area with all its food, bait, and gossiping needs. Continue reading
Tom Stewart (inertly played by Richard Carlson of Creature From The Black Lagoon) tells his girlfriend Vi that he is breaking up with her and is instead going to marry his other sweetheart Meg, mainly because she’s prettier and her daddy is stinking rich. Vi pulls the old “well I guess I’ll just have to publish my little book I’ve been working on called Tom Stewart’s Love Letters to His Skanky Hooch Vi.” She also threatens Tom with giving the letters to her lawyer for a lawsuit. I guess if she’s alleging that he’s a stud jazz pianist, then he’s guilty as hell! Continue reading
Jack Scalia (Dark Breed, The Silencers) co-stars with his gigantic hair as the bad ass submarine designer who dives down a billion miles into the ocean to blast some respect into mutant sea monsters that have gone and wrecked his sub! And don’t lie to me and say you didn’t just rip a fricking hole in the crotch of your wet suit when you read that! Incredibly, like some sort of unbelievable deep sea anomaly that can only exist because of the extreme conditions down there, Endless Descent goes out and just blows away the lofty expectations you have for a film featuring Scalia vs. mutants! Continue reading