On the surface, this movie delivers exactly what it promises. There’s a bunch of snakes and they kill people. I don’t imagine that a movie called The Killer Snakes owes me a lot more than that, but did it have to be so horribly scuzzy? Continue reading
A blind woman gets a new pair of eyes which allow her to see for the first time since she was a child, but there’s a catch. Not only is she able to see the world around her for the first time in years, she also has acquired this brand new super power where she can see dead people! She can also sort of see the future. And the past. Well, another person’s past anyway. Then there’s mysterious shadowy guy who accompanies some of the dead people she sees. I felt like I could have used a brain transplant before understanding completely what was going on in this eye transplant movie. Continue reading
Kung fu movies are a little slice of heaven. Once you’ve seen some dude with bad hair in silk pajamas standing around playing patty cake with another dude in silk pajamas with equally bad, but somehow different hair, you’re pretty much spoiled for any other genre of cinema. Is there any other kind of movie that would get you so involved that you would try some drunken mantis kung fu on your bewildered dog during the talky parts? Continue reading
Written and directed by Chi-Chiu Lee and based on his novel (no matter how this one turns out, Chi-Chiu has only himself to blame), Night Corridor poses the age old question of what happens when your twin brother is murdered by monkeys after having assumed the identity of the surviving twin who was off in London working on his career as a photographer. Continue reading
The Twins Effect (titled Vampire Effect for its US DVD release) had nineteen minutes deleted from it and some scenes shuffled around for its American release. I suppose that had I seen the movie in its original form, it might not have smelled about as bad as the sweat-stained coffin lining of the five hundred-year-old undead prince seeking to romance one half of the sensational Cantonese singing duo, Twins. Continue reading
You know, I can never get enough of these movies about deranged Hong Kong taxi cab drivers banging corpses. There’s just something life affirming about knowing that our country is not the only cesspool capable of producing these animals.
Besides, with China’s birth control policy, the population over there has become unbalanced, leaving lots of deranged taxi cab drivers whose best bet for a date is the streetwalker-fare they just strangled to death in the back seat of the cab. “Mother is the invention of opportunity” is probably how the rudimentary English subtitles would no doubt put it. Continue reading
The place is China, a billion years ago when the Tartars had invaded and subjugated the people, ruling over them with an iron fist. Unable to defend themselves, they look wistfully to the temples of Shaolin where the monks know the ancient art of kung fu.
If only they would teach the common people their ways (but not make them shave their heads), they could rise up against their oppressors, kick them out, and make China once again safe for freedom to take hold in the form of Communism. But the teaching of kung fu is forbidden to outsiders. The monks only desire to hang out at their temple, keeping it clean in between workouts! Continue reading
Generally speaking, a movie containing not one, but two scenes of urination would not receive a good review from this viewer. Some things are best left to the imagination. This film though somehow manages to make it work. Continue reading
Anthony Wong stars in this movie that is what Dustin Hoffman’s movie Outbreak should have been: a story about a raping and murdering dude who infects a bunch of people with Ebola by tricking them into eating hamburgers made out of human meat. It really isn’t as funny as it probably sounds which is a bit surprising what with all the rapes, murders, cannibalism, and the on-camera slaughter of frogs and chickens. Continue reading