You can be forgiven if you forgot that World War III happened back in 1998 like Creepozoids depicts with all the conviction of a movie made for a few thousand dollars inside a single building with six people, including scream queen Linnea Quigley, guys who spend most of the film shrieking like women (Quigley must have been wondering if they were trying to steal her gimmick) and a sometimes porn star can muster. Continue reading
Perhaps on some level director Roger Corman knew that a movie starring giant crabs wasn’t really going to get audiences that fired up. Most people have never dealt with the animals except as a tasty treat and thus there is no deep seated fear of them like there is of the various insects, spiders and other icky things that became engorged during the 1950s heyday of these types of films.
In fact, when Mysterious Island featured a giant crab menacing people a few years later, the unfortunate creature ended up as an all you can eat castaways crab meat buffet! So it was probably not a bad idea that Corman tricked out his crab monsters with some additional super powers. Continue reading
All of the deaths caused by those grody cave creatures, the Boogens, can be laid directly at the feet of that crazy old man Greenwalt. If he had properly done his job as the town kook, maybe everybody wouldn’t have been so surprised when a scaly tentacle wrapped around their leg or a bony claw slashed their throat leading them to bleed out all over the floor. Continue reading
It turns out those tasty slime logs are loaded with deadly parasites and you don’t want to find that out the hard way like one of the characters did during a business lunch when he was on the verge of getting the big contract signed. As any great business person would tell you, part of the art of the deal is not having your face explode at the negotiating table! Continue reading
At first glance it seems sensible to be concerned for the children’s safety when the polar bear attacks the ballet school. After all, the lumbering brute is just part of a whole group of animals rampaging across the city after drinking some bad zoo water. Rats are eating cats and people, Cheetahs are racing Volkswagens and folks are getting strangled by elephant trunks! What chance do a bunch of wimpy dance kids have against the most dangerous animal to ever enjoy an ice cold Coke? Continue reading
All the warning signs were there. The crabby old woman who owns the house but hides in the attic. Mason, the high school kid who handles the actual renting out of the rooms who is so creepy you hope he is only a perverted peeper. The room for rent that he ominously announces used to be his sister’s. Based on the available data there’s at least a 75% chance anyone staying at that house is going to be either skinned alive, eaten or held prisoner to be some inbred mutant’s sex toy.
So why would sexy college girl Scotty still rent a room there? Because it’s $50 a month! That’s a damn good deal in any housing market, let alone a university town with a shortage of housing! Continue reading
There’s some pretty poor decision making going on in Dario Argento‘s Inferno. The dippy woman who tries to steal the most evil book this side of the Necronomicon? Be glad you only got murdered later on and didn’t get your face shoved in the pot of boiling gunk the dude with the monster claws was using to fix books with. Next time try using your library card! Continue reading
On the surface, this movie delivers exactly what it promises. There’s a bunch of snakes and they kill people. I don’t imagine that a movie called The Killer Snakes owes me a lot more than that, but did it have to be so horribly scuzzy? Continue reading
Giallo a Venezia gets criticized quite a bit for generally being a disgusting piece of trash. Normally, I’m inclined to dismiss claims such as this as the ravings of oversensitive bluenoses, but after suffering through this one though, I am reluctantly inclined to agree wholeheartedly. After all, who can argue that the presence of naked dudes in this movie isn’t completely gratuitous and has no place in an otherwise upstanding and sleazy slice-n-dice? Continue reading
Starring Boris Karloff, this is an old time monster snooze-a-rama of the first degree with scintillating scenes of groups of characters standing around yakking at one another, faulty comic relief, limited playing time by the star, and an emphasis on dreary dialogue and static camera work over everything else. While things manage to come alive a bit for the ending, since it all involves a bunch of goofs fighting over an ugly broach, even that wasn’t enough to save this creaky contraption of life-after-death mumbo jumbo. Continue reading