Heatwave! (1974)

Since this ABC Movie of the Week uses an exclamation mark in its title, it’s safe to assume that this is no ordinary heatwave. If it was your routine heatwave, people would simply be sweating, short tempered, whining about their air conditioning not working and moaning about water restrictions. In short, it would be summer. Assigning the heatwave the dreaded Category 5 of punctuation though takes things to next level sizzle! Continue reading “Heatwave! (1974)”

The Suns of Easter Island (1972)

Well that’s something else I can cross off my bucket list. After slogging through ninety minutes of what is mostly a painfully dull pseudo documentary/travelogue and only sporadically a science fiction movie, I really have no desire anymore to visit Easter Island.

Watching a group of seven people wander around the island aimlessly for a half hour really drove home the point that after you’ve stared at those giant stone heads for about five minutes, you’re kind of screwed for anything else to do. When does the next 4 and half hour flight back to Santiago, Chili leave? Continue reading “The Suns of Easter Island (1972)”

Embryo (1976)

To those without any vision, Dr. Paul Holliston is just another in a long line of delusional Frankensteins playing God with human life with the expected disastrous results. Ethics and rules are there for a reason, you egomaniac! Who are you to decide to bring life into this world without the consent of the biological parents! What makes you think you can conduct these grotesque experiments without professional oversight, lecture the smug status quo drones!

If I’m Dr. Holliston, I’d send them a message letting them know that I’m too busy watching special guest star Roddy McDowall being put in his place at a party during a game of chess against my experiment named Victoria. And my nights are just too damn busy teaching her how babies are normally made since my secret sauce made her grow from a grody little embryo to a perfect 10 in like a month! Did I mention that if you keep giving me lip, I’ll sic my super intelligent Doberman on you? Last time I saw that little bugger he was helping Victoria dispose of a dead hooker! Continue reading “Embryo (1976)”

Z.P.G. (1972)

The dopey 1970s science fiction premise:  overpopulation has made most of the Earth an uninhabitable pile of garbage.  People are relegated to large, smog-filled totalitarian cities where they need to wear gas masks when out in public and listen as government propaganda-spewing drones hover above them.  In an effort to combat the effects that dwindling resources are having, all the countries in the world have implemented a policy of zero population growth and forbidden anyone for having children for the next thirty years.

But big government knows the little woman at home really wants a baby of her own to play with (and let’s be honest – men just want sex and football so that aren’t too worked up by all this) so they create dolls to substitute for real kids! Just head down to the Baby Store (sorry – no infants currently in stock) and you can get a doll that will talk (like a cheap doll), suffer from minor childhood illnesses and even push a stroller a few feet! Continue reading “Z.P.G. (1972)”

The Last Child (1971)

Much like other long since faded fads like pet rocks, mood rings, pogs and Sniglets, doom and gloom scams come and go with the amazing regularity that only obsessive anti-freedom big government advocates can muster.

Acid rain, nuclear winter, crop failure, Y2K, 2012, asteroids, dirty bombs, pandemics, mega quakes, super volcanoes, smog, global warming, global cooling and every temperature in between are all trotted out from time to time as an excuse to trample on the rights of regular people and increase the power of a highly centralized authority. With such an ever evolving Chicken Little laundry list, it’s tough to keep up with what we are supposed to be scared of in any given month.

Continue reading “The Last Child (1971)”

City Beneath the Sea (1971)

While there are no official records to confirm it, it’s pretty obvious after watching City Beneath the Sea that it was the cause of the great jumpsuit shortage of 1971.

The film takes place in one of those movie futures where almost everyone wears monochromatic onesies while puttering around banks of flashing buttons and pretending that repurposed office furniture are some sort of advanced gear specially designed for the rigors of undersea urban life.

The jumpsuits are apparently used to designate rank or job classification with chocolate seemingly one of the most elite (next to the Admiral’s not unexpected white one) since it was modeled by special guest star Robert Wagner. (Perhaps it’s no surprise that the stunningly unflattering mustard yellow is worn by many of the faceless extras.) Continue reading “City Beneath the Sea (1971)”

The Horror at 37,000 Feet (1973)

An ancient demon worshiped by the Druids gets a bad case of air rage when rich douchebag architect Alan has parts of an ancient abbey from his wife’s ancestral home shipped from London to New York, including a sacrificial stone the demon is particularly attached to. (Why the demon didn’t see this as an opportunity to harass an entirely new group of people and just relax and enjoy the free flight I don’t know. Some supernatural forces just don’t do well with change I guess.) Continue reading “The Horror at 37,000 Feet (1973)”