Avalanche (1999)

When America’s Last Frontier is threatened by certain destruction, it falls on the shoulders of one man to rescue the babe, save the city, and outsmart a murderous herd of polar bears! He also has to break through the emotional barrier his best friend’s old lady erects because she blames him for the death of the man they both loved! And if that wasn’t enough, he’s got to go and survive having his plane shot down in the mountains! Continue reading “Avalanche (1999)”

Blackbelt (1992)

If you’ve ever wondered why all those Italian slasher movies feature models getting stalked instead of some other occupation, Blackbelt provides the answer. Don “The Dragon” Wilson‘s movie features a singer being stalked by a crazed fan. Since she is a singer there are scenes of her singing and filming a music video. Spoiler alert! Crazed fan’s total derangement is not caused by repeated exposure to singer belting out one of her rancid pop tunes! Continue reading “Blackbelt (1992)”

To the Death (1992)

Flawed kickboxing champ BJ Quinn has cleaned up his life and ironed out a lot of the character deficiencies he proudly displayed in American Kickboxer. He’s quit drinking, settled down and married his girlfriend, and is finally retiring from the sport and the violence that has been his life!

He’s even taken a stand against profanity, responding to his rival calling him an unflattering twelve letter word with “you shut your foul mouth and you hit the road! Look, I don’t need this shit!” Exactly B.J.! Guys like us living a straight edge, no profanity life don’t need some asshole polluting our gentlemanly air! That’s total bullshit! Continue reading “To the Death (1992)”

Back in Business (1997)

A classic sports car packed with heroin! A crooked cop out to make a buck and kill our heroes! A showdown in every low budget action movie’s favorite location – a quarry! A showdown in every low budget action movie’s second favorite location – an airplane graveyard! An extended game of pick up basketball featuring college football legend (and NFL bust) Brian “the Boz” Bosworth playing in only his boxers and work boots! It all adds up to one thing: former cop Joe Elkhart (The Boz) and Tony Dunbar (anonymous black guy you don’t care about) are back in business! Continue reading “Back in Business (1997)”

American Kickboxer (1991)

He is the kickboxing middleweight champion of the world. He’s not above using an elbow during a match and acting like a jackass between rounds by sreeching his trademark banshee cry. He’s got a potty mouth, a drinking problem, is a jealous turd who tells his girlfriend to shut up at dinner, and abandons the guy he trained right before that guy’s biggest fight of life! He’s also a hothead who gets into a fight, kills a guy, goes to prison, gets out of prison, gets into another fight, and then moves away from his girlfriend because he’s a pouty-assed baby. Meet B.J. Quinn, our hero! Continue reading “American Kickboxer (1991)”

One Man’s Justice (1996)

Brian Bosworth plays John North, a guy who is out to inflict one man’s justice after his family is viciously murdered by a gang of punks on the hunt for experimental military weapons. At least he is until his mouthy kid sidekick talks him out of it!

Thankfully, it was just a temporary bout of insanity that North must have been suffering from when he let the scumbag who did his wife and daughter go because he ultimately heaved the mastermind of everything off the roof of a high rise, but the fact that North even entertained the notion that bloody thirsty vengeance wasn’t right surely reveals the character flaw the got his family whacked in the first place. Continue reading “One Man’s Justice (1996)”