Zorikan the Barbarian (1964)

ZorikanPosterThough Zorikan sounds like some sort of rodenticide, he’s actually the best thing in an otherwise dreary heap of curdled Italian cheese.

Veteran sword and sandal pro Don Vadis (Spartacus and the Ten Gladiators, The Seven Magnificent Gladiators) scowls, sneers, chortles and tortures his way through a story involving a stolen religious relic which unwisely focuses on people walking, riding horses, sitting in tents, and talking about either stealing or recovering said relic. All that being said, Zorikan did have a really nice tent. Very spacious, well decorated and equipped with a bed. He may have been a low down heathen Saracen, but when he went invading, dude did it in style! Continue reading “Zorikan the Barbarian (1964)”

Yor, the Hunter from the Future (1983)

From the opening strains of Yor’s insanely memorable and equally insanely indecipherable theme song where Yor is prancing around various penis-shaped rocks to the very end when he’s flying off into the sunset in a spaceship while a narrator informs us that Yor is going to try to help his people prevent the mistakes of the past, but isn’t sure whether he will be successful, you are in for the absolutely greatest movie of all time that cross-pollinates the cheesy Italian barbarian movie with the cheesy Italian sci-fi movie! Continue reading “Yor, the Hunter from the Future (1983)”

Taur the Mighty (1963)

Taur the Mighty Italian PosterThe Italian sword and sandal flicks of the early 1960s got in a lot of reps and built up an impressive quantity of work. It doesn’t take a student of the genre to determine that this quantity didn’t exactly translate into quality of any degree. For the most part, the majority of them were interchangeable variations of some bodybuilder posing and rumbling around rickety sets, busting up extras, poorly costumed monsters, and engaging in laughable feats of strength. In short, these films were terrible. But even so, there was one thing you could say in their favor. At least they weren’t Taurible!

For starters, Taur can’t even get his own name right! The VHS cover refers to him as Tor, the onscreen title of the film calls him Taur, but everyone in the movie including himself, says he is Thor!

Even with that identity crisis though, at least he didn’t have to suffer the indignity of Harry Baird’s character, Ubaratutu! As silly as Ubaratutu is as a name, it was the least offensive part of the character! Continue reading “Taur the Mighty (1963)”