Cruise Into Terror is a masterclass on the importance of a man keeping his woman satisfied in the bedroom. Ostensibly about a lost Egyptian tomb in the Gulf of Mexico (don’t ask – it was the 70s!), the film ably depicts the terrible things that can happen when a neglected woman is forced to copulate with the Antichrist’s babysitter! Continue reading “Cruise Into Terror (1978)”
Researchers, scientists, scholars and people who have even half a brain have long since debunked the idea that there was a curse that killed people involved in excavating Tutankhamen’s tomb back in 1922. Heck, Howard Carter, the archeologist in charge of it all, lived until he was 64 years old and died of lymphoma in 1939! If Tut’s otherworldly powers couldn’t even touch the guy who personally punched a hole in his tomb, his mummy mojo is pretty weak. Continue reading “The Curse of King Tut’s Tomb (1980)”
Their quest was for more than simple riches! The journey was beset by the very fury of the gods! The discovery of an ancient tomb would reveal the ultimate betrayal! And confirm a great truth! But even more importantly, men would die, camels would snort and a rabbit would cower in a sandstorm for some reason!
Hitch your tan pants up to your nipples and strap on the big brimmed safari hat because it’s time to saddle up the dromedary for another 1950s desert adventure where women embark on a tomb raiding mission in their Sunday finest and perfect makeup and archeologists come equipped with the only things a real scientist needs – a smart mouth and a pistol! Continue reading “Valley of the Kings (1954)”
While some may laugh at Karl Nichols, the old leathery Texas millionaire moonlighting as an amateur Egyptologist being used by the sexy showgirl Paulette (Anita Ekberg) as part of a scheme to screw him out of the titular gaudy treasure (seriously – the glass sphinx looks like something you’d pass up at a flea market if it was more than a fiver), if I was him, I wouldn’t even know you were laughing at me because I would be too busy having sex with a hot woman half my age! Continue reading “The Glass Sphinx (1967)”
It’s easy to see why Sphinx stinks in scenes like the one where Egyptologist Erica Baron attempts to justify her desire to get credit for a big discovery she makes by playing the gender card, complaining that men get all the breaks in her profession. It’s a scene that seems to come out of nowhere, doesn’t make you sympathetic to her since we hadn’t seen her mistreated by academia and frankly just doesn’t make any sense since the whole point of her going to Egypt in the first place was to do some research, get published and to make a name for herself. And besides, if she were a man, wouldn’t she still want credit for a discovery of such magnitude? Continue reading “Sphinx (1981)”
Thousands of years after Man solved the riddle of the Sphinx, one Sphinxy question still remained: what is the secret of the Sphinx? While the riddle turned out to be a rather gimmicky joke about a man aging throughout his life, it should be noted that that particular sphinx was one who lived in ancient Greece, so who really cares, right?
The secret we’re concerned with is the one held by the most famous of all the Sphinxes, the one who lives in Egypt with all those pyramids. Surely, a strange and wondrous creature like the Sphinx who stands guard over the ancient kings of Egypt would have the most awesomest secret ever hidden inside its sandy blowhole! Continue reading “Secret of the Sphinx (1964)”
By 1955 Abbott and Costello had met just about every monster Universal had to offer. The only one that had escaped their withering satire was the Mummy. Of course by the end of the Kharis films in 1944, many probably already believed that the Mummy was a joke. No matter though as Universal cranked out one last gasp in the Abbott and Costello meet the Monster of the Week oeuvre. This one looked chintzy and the gags were more rickety than ever, though the film was not without its amusing moments (almost exclusively provided by Costello). Continue reading “Abbott and Costello Meet the Mummy (1955)”