Deadly Bet merely confirms what I’ve long thought about addictions and the way the various experts preach to address them – that it’s all micromanaged bunk! The various fill-in-the-blank Anonymous cults over complicate things with all their “steps”, meetings, talking, sponsors, prayers and sign in sheets. Fudge, I need a drink and a tub of ice cream just to take the edge off the stress thinking about all those requirements! I had less trouble getting into law school than that!
Jeff Wincott‘s down on his luck martial arts expert Angelo though knows the real score on how to lick all those demons that have kept him in Las Vegas, cost him the love of his life, and put him into debt with a ruthless loan shark! Training montage! Continue reading “Deadly Bet (1992)”
The solitary thing that straight-to-video brainfreeze Battle Queen 2020 is able to accomplish in one of the longest 79 minutes you will ever spend is to communicate to the audience that the end of the world will be horrible beyond all imagining. So many post-apocalypse movies glamorize the destruction of civilization with spectacular effects, suspense, plot twists, characters you root for, and all manner of mutants, cannibals, bikers, and regular old monsters. Battle Queen 2020 opts for a much more horrifying combination of primitive special effects, softcore porn, and hardcore boredom. Continue reading “Battle Queen 2020 (2001)”
Fear not fans of Michael Dudikoff or Jeff Speakman! Just because this matrial arts mayhem epic stars Cynthia Rothrock does’t mean she spends her time picking out pretty window treatments for her dojo or battling an evil nail salon owner! Sure she does her hair from an unflattering black to eye-gouging hideous orange, but it’s not some fashion don’t, but an attempt to evade the shadowy government agents who are after her! Continue reading “Outside the Law (2002)”
Perhaps owing to the inexplicable popularity of Cynthia Rothrock, Martial Law II: Undercover is likely the most well known of Jeff Wincott‘s films. At least it’s the only one I ever remember seeing at the video store in the early 1990s. It’s a shame if this is the only exposure that civilians (i.e. people who are prone to watch normal movies starring people they’ve heard of) have to Jeff since it is neither his most serviceable (The Killing Machine, Martial Outlaw), most forgettable (Open Fire, Fatal Combat) or most insane featuring Brigitte Nielsen running for mayor (Mission of Justice).
Its utterly bland story (corrupt cops and martial arts thugs battling Jeff and Cynthia), parade of run-of-the-mill villains, and perfunctory script (the few character details only exist to explain plot developments later in the film) only serve to underscore how charisma-impaired our two martial arts heroes are. Continue reading “Martial Law II: Undercover (1991)”
One of the great unsung movie genres is films where low budget kickboxing action heroes play lawyers. Don “The Dragon” Wilson did it in Out For Blood with hilarious results. Michael “The Dude” Dudikoff did it for In Her Defense. And now you can add Jeff “The Guy In a Bunch of Action Movies You’ve Never Heard Of” Wincott to that illustrious list with a grim, gritty and greasy haired effort that eschews the cartoonish antics of the Dragon’s effort, but also manages to make as little sense as Wincott’s lawyer character John Ryan financing his pro bono work for Native Americans by using a loan shark. Continue reading “Street Law (1995)”
Paging Dr. Jeff Wincott! Paging Dr. Jeff Wincott! There’s an emergency room full of patients with gun shot wounds and overdoses! Diagnosis? Unchecked drug dealing in New York! Treatment? One personal war on drugs and call Dr. Jeff once you’ve taken his elderly parents prisoner and chopped off his daddy’s finger!
It’s clear from the way the patient, When the Bullet Hits the Bone, presents that things are pretty much terminal and all Dr. Jeff can do is try to make the audience comfortable while this sickly film thrashes, pukes, shits itself and just generally dies an excruciating death over the course of its eighty minute life. Continue reading “When the Bullet Hits the Bone (1996)”
Jeff Wincott sniffs rabbit turds in this movie. To make matters even worse, it’s the sort of movie where we aren’t sure whether the rabbit turds are even real!
The great rabbit turd conundrum is really the least obnoxiously obtuse thing about the whole affair though as the film barely takes time out from its strictly amateurishly disjointed presentation peppered with references to Alice in Wonderland, over the top moments like Wincott fighting his wife with a toilet plunger, Maria Ford scrunching her face into shrewish expressions while shrieking at Wincott, and the seemingly random insertion of scenes from an entirely different movie to ever get around to explaining just what in the hell was going on with the embryos Wincott was trying to save the world with while his wife (Ford) was trying to kill him and steal them for the evil general. Continue reading “Future Fear (1997)”