The Murder Secret (1988)

Who is the black-gloved killer slashing and decapitating his way through the ugly Italian family spending the weekend at their crazy Aunt Martha’s house? Is it Thomas, the creepy caretaker? Or maybe it’s Thomas, the creepy caretaker. Then there’s always the chance that they’ll pull a fast one on us and have it turn out to be Thomas, the creepy caretaker. Continue reading “The Murder Secret (1988)”

Voices from Beyond (1991)

Voices From Beyond DVD CoverLucio Fulci‘s penultimate film, Voices From Beyond is beyond awful and repeatedly threatened to plunge me into a catatonic state. I was hoping though that he was going out with a little class when it began since the word “prologue” came up and I had visions of a grizzled old sailor setting the stage for a tale of some foul deed done long ago and the resulting modern day ghost seeking revenge. I was a bit surprised then when the first scene consisted of two naked people humping each other. Holy crap, I thought! We were going to be haunted by really icky made-for-Italian TV softcore porn! Continue reading “Voices from Beyond (1991)”

Aenigma (1987)

It’s not often that my gag reflex kicks in as soon as a movie starts. Most movies this ineptly made don’t get around to actively sucking for something like ten or fifteen minutes (that’s part of their ineptness – they’re slow to get going), but director Lucio Fulci (Zombie, The House by the Cemetery) starts it off with a soft rock ballad so wimpy, that even REO Speedwagon would be embarrassed by it! Continue reading “Aenigma (1987)”

Manhattan Baby (1982)

Thousands of years ago in ancient Egypt a god was worshipped more horrible than any other! His name was something like Hammybooboo and as the centuries passed, the memory of such a terrifying being was all but forgotten! In fact, an expert Egyptologist advises star Christopher Connelly that only two things are still known about Hammy. One was that he was really cruel. And the other? Utter evil! Continue reading “Manhattan Baby (1982)”

Zombie (1979)

As a Board certified expert on voodoo, I know exactly two things about our most popular horror movie religion. One is that voodoo dolls are a must for dealing with exes. And two, you never ignore stories from the superstitious natives about what the evil juju man is doing and how the dead are coming back to life!

Any four year old versed in West African religious traditions will tell you that juju and voodoo are two separate belief systems and that these two teaming up on one cursed island is the supernatural equivalent of the Tripartite Pact! But with zombies! And sharks! And topless scuba diving! Continue reading “Zombie (1979)”