Bride of Scarecrow (2019)

You are cordially invited to the wedding a century in the making! It’s one the guests are positively dying to get into! And the reception after the ceremony? It’s literally on fire! But what about the bride’s boyfriend? You know, the guy that isn’t the murderous scarecrow that she’s marrying! Well, he’s been tied up and will be quasi-officiating it despite being unconscious!

And while the nuptials are taking place in the barn the scarecrow has been killing people in, he’s enough of a traditionalist that he makes sure to fulfill the “something borrowed” aspect of things by stealing the boyfriend’s ring to give to his sobbing, I mean blushing, bride! Continue reading “Bride of Scarecrow (2019)”

Curse of the Scarecrow (2018)

You know you’re for a certain amount of cinema drudgery when the film is one of those low budget, no imagination affairs shot almost entirely on someone’s farm. Boasting a cast of about four or five people (one of which is the director who is equally inept in front of the camera as she is behind it) who can’t even stand around convincingly explaining the same things to each other repeatedly, Curse of the Scarecrow unfortunately delivers the tediously bad film its setup promised for most of the 85 minutes you’ll spend squirming with disinterest. Until the heroine decides to impersonate a scarecrow that is. Continue reading “Curse of the Scarecrow (2018)”

Scarecrow Gone Wild (2004)

On a very special episode of Scarecrow Gone Wild our straw-filled serial killer teaches us about the pressing social issues of diabetes, college hazing and most importantly of all, the danger of letting MMA star turned professional wrestler Ken Shamrock anywhere near a movie set!

Watching Shamrock parlay the stilted interview skills he had on the mic in wrestling into even more stilted acting really makes you want to sit your kids down for some straight talk about the importance of not only acting lessons, but not trying things you have absolutely no aptitude for.

Continue reading “Scarecrow Gone Wild (2004)”

Scarecrow Slayer (2003)

Overcoming a positively putrid origin story in the rudimentary, frequently bordering on amateurish Scarecrow, our burlap and straw anti-hero roars back with a vengeance in his second outing solidifying himself as the premiere low budget somersault-loving farm monster. He’s so good at what he does, he manages to get one person killed, one person run over and yet another in the ICU – all before he even gets reanimated! Continue reading “Scarecrow Slayer (2003)”

Scarecrow (2002)

Lester Dwervick has everything in life a depressed, dimwitted loser could ever hope for. At school, almost everyone picks on him and despises him. Called names and tripped in the cafeteria, he doesn’t even get any relief when he’s in class because the teacher is ragging on him for having a promiscuous mother and living in a trailer. Then, when he approaches her outside of class to apologize for not paying attention, she insults him.

Home life isn’t much better as his mother is a drunken slut who brings different guys home all the time. Even when he’s at work, he is the butt of jokes. Continue reading “Scarecrow (2002)”

House of Fears (2007)

Blended families can be hard, especially on really hot spoiled step-sisters. Having a new step-mom who is the apple of your daddy’s eye can make you feel like you have to choose between being loyal to your real mom and supporting your dad’s need to get laid by someone who isn’t a middle-aged nag.

For dark-haired step-sister Hailey, this also manifests itself in being a mean girl to blonde-haired step-sister Sam. But if these two are going to be living together in the same house, going to the same school and attending the same parties, is there any way this relationship can be built into something approaching at least the barely legal version of Cold War detente? Enter the evil African statue! Continue reading “House of Fears (2007)”