Giant of the Evil Island (1965)

Giant of the Evil Island promises us so much. Like a giant. And an evil island. And director Piero Pierotti (Hercules Against Rome) delivers exactly all of it! Now you may need to be a bit flexible on your definition of what a giant is since the pirate Malek appears to be of normal size, though admittedly stocky enough that a little kid might think he was giant. But there’s no doubting the presence of an evil island since Piero has the good sense to actually name Malek’s island hideout as Evil Island! Continue reading “Giant of the Evil Island (1965)”

Treasure Island (1950)

This being a Walt Disney movie, I was let down a tad by this one. I mean, there wasn’t an asinine song and dance number to be had, not one crappy comic relief sidekick, and no bloodless, goofy violence to give the kids in the crowd the idea that pirates were lovable scamps who talked funny and needed a bath. That’s not to say that Long John Silver wasn’t someone to be admired for the way he played both ends against the middle and eventually won the respect of the kid whose throat he periodically threatened to slit. Continue reading “Treasure Island (1950)”

Knights of the Round Table (1953)

I think it was all those speeches that Robert Taylor as Sir Lancelot delivered in his stentorian monotone that did it. When it finally came time for Arthur to banish Lance from the realm, he may have said it was because Lance couldn’t quite seem to avoid hanging on to Guinevere’s green ribbon with an almost fetish-like fervor, but honestly, he was just tired of hearing all of Lance’s chivalry babble. Continue reading “Knights of the Round Table (1953)”

The Sea Pirate (1966)

The Sea Pirate PosterOther than Long John Silver, Johnny Depp, and Willie Stargell, Robert Surcouf is one of our greatest and favorite pirates who ever sailed the seven seas or played left field. As befitting a man of such stature that I hadn’t heard of him until this movie, The Sea Pirate is not exactly the high profile vehicle these other pirates enjoyed (Treasure Island, Pirates of the Caribbean, the 1979 World Series), but that doesn’t mean his story isn’t worthy of an obscure mid 1960s Italian swashbuckler! It means that he’s deserving of two such films! But it also means that the second film, Il grande colpo di Surcouf has no known English release. Continue reading “The Sea Pirate (1966)”

The Erotic Adventures of Zorro (1972)

Who was that masked man with the hairy lower back? That would be Don Diego de Vega, otherwise known as Zorro and I think that after seeing this movie, if Zorro was a real person, he would never reveal his secret identity more out of sheer embarrassment than out of any need to protect himself.

Producer David F. Friedman has previously tormented us with his yucky sex comedies in such varied vehicles of vulgarity as The Head Mistress, The Notorious Daughter Of Fanny Hill, and Trader Hornee.

In all of the films, low production values and lame humor share the stage with actors who seem almost relieved when it comes time for them to lose their clothes, roll around with one of their ugly co-stars and stop having to remember their lines. The Erotic Adventures Of Zorro, at 102 minutes, takes advantage of this format to its fullest and manages to showcase several lethargic bumping and grinding scenes to no good effect. Continue reading “The Erotic Adventures of Zorro (1972)”