Zombie 4: After Death (1989)

Has there ever been a movie in the history of the world that was any good and had a “4” at the end of the title? Zombi 3, for those of us still in therapy and repressing most of it, is the movie that Lucio Fulci began, but quit and that Bruno Mattei finished up for him. But don’t rip your own intestines out yet! This isn’t really a sequel! Shot simply as After Death, the slapping of the zombie tag on the film was merely a marketing gimmick! No need to worry that the film won’t utterly fail because it’s trying to continue whatever was happening in the previous gooey mess. It will utterly fail on its own merits! Continue reading “Zombie 4: After Death (1989)”

Diary of the Dead (2007)

Dear Diary: Woke up, went out to the woods to shoot my horror movie, and got caught up in a zombie invasion. Considering what a bunch of unsupportive jerks my “friends” were during the filming of my own movie, I can’t say that I’m terribly upset that they keep getting picked off one by one as we drive a beat up RV to various Canadian locales disguised as Pennsylvania. Continue reading “Diary of the Dead (2007)”

Day of the Dead (2008)

As expected, Day Of The Dead (2008 edition – now with CGI!) is horrible, but in its defense, it never really gets as horrible as I assumed it would be when my Zombie Movie Obsessive Compulsive Disorder got the better of me and I couldn’t stop myself from watching since it had “dead” in the title.

Sure, there were plenty of reasons to hate this movie (Mena Suvari as a tough as nails soldier? I had to look in the mirror to make sure some zombie virus hadn’t attacked my freaking brain when I heard that one!), but whenever my hatred would edge into murderous loathing territory, Nick Cannon would go and do something like kick a severed zombie head like a soccer ball while dispensing some potty mouthed bit of dialogue! Continue reading “Day of the Dead (2008)”

Zombie (1979)

As a Board certified expert on voodoo, I know exactly two things about our most popular horror movie religion. One is that voodoo dolls are a must for dealing with exes. And two, you never ignore stories from the superstitious natives about what the evil juju man is doing and how the dead are coming back to life!

Any four year old versed in West African religious traditions will tell you that juju and voodoo are two separate belief systems and that these two teaming up on one cursed island is the supernatural equivalent of the Tripartite Pact! But with zombies! And sharks! And topless scuba diving! Continue reading “Zombie (1979)”