Category Archives: Juan Piquer Simón

Where Time Began (1977)

Intensive research. Months of planning. Designing and testing cutting edge equipment. Recruiting and training an elite team of crew members. This is the bare minimum necessary when undertaking a mission of exploration into the unknown, whether it be into deep space, the bottom of the ocean or even straight into the center of the Earth. Taking a shortcut on even one of those things will almost certainly lead to disaster! Neglecting all of them? Almost certainly will lead to a cheesy period fantasy movie! Continue reading

Slugs (1988)

If you’ve ever thought about chopping up a slug to put in a salad and then eating that salad this is the film that will have you reconsidering your culinary curiosity!

It turns out those tasty slime logs are loaded with deadly parasites and you don’t want to find that out the hard way like one of the characters did during a business lunch when he was on the verge of getting the big contract signed. As any great business person would tell you, part of the art of the deal is not having your face explode at the negotiating table! Continue reading

Pieces (1982)

Pieces PosterI’m sorry but this film lost me right at the beginning when a scene taking place in a child’s bedroom, supposedly in Boston back in 1942, had a pennant for the New England Patriots hanging on the wall. The Patriots didn’t even exist until 1960 and then they weren’t even called the New England Patriots until 1971!

Spanish director Juan Piquer Simon falls into the same trap as Italians like Fabreizio de Angelis, making embarrassing errors in American sports in a feeble attempt to trick the audience into thinking their foreign film was made by Americans. Nothing ruins an otherwise crappy slasher film for real Americans like a botched football reference. Continue reading

Endless Descent (1990)

EndlessDescentPosterJack Scalia (Dark Breed, The Silencers) co-stars with his gigantic hair as the bad ass submarine designer who dives down a billion miles into the ocean to blast some respect into mutant sea monsters that have gone and wrecked his sub! And don’t lie to me and say you didn’t just rip a fricking hole in the crotch of your wet suit when you read that! Incredibly, like some sort of unbelievable deep sea anomaly that can only exist because of the extreme conditions down there, Endless Descent goes out and just blows away the lofty expectations you have for a film featuring Scalia vs. mutants! Continue reading