“Ladies and gentlemen. If I may have your attention please. At this time we will begin boarding the SST Death Flight at Gate 32b. Thank you for flying whatever fake airline was created for this TV movie disaster.” Continue reading “SST: Death Flight (1977)”
Mayday! Mayday! Flight engineer Mike Fuller keeps striking out with the new stew! Experiencing a great deal of cock blocking by retiring mother hen stew! Preparing to make several more passes with good old boy charm to avoid crashing into a lonely night of drinking a the hotel bar!
After a bomb threat is found scrawled on a mirror aboard a flight, Skyjacked briefly turns into an unenthusiastic game of Hollywood Squares meets Clue. Which one of the various 1970s personalities (it seems disingenuous to refer to such familiar faces as Nicholas Hammond, Leslie Uggams and Rosey Grier as superstars) could it have been? Continue reading “Skyjacked (1972)”
Like any air disaster, Murder on Flight 502 begins in unassuming fashion, routinely assembling its diverse group of passengers, each with their own secret, but most importantly, each a familiar face due to they being aging movie legends, has-been TV stars or from being Robert Stack. Then without warning, it freaking explodes all over you, its 1970s debris of orange upholstery, hideous striped stewardess blouses and Sonny Bono raining down on you like bad movie mana from heaven! Continue reading “Murder on Flight 502 (1975)”
Leave it to the Berenstain Bears to take a grizzly-sized dump all over our most holy of holidays. It isn’t bad enough that they make only the vaguest, most passing of references to the religious aspect of Easter, mentioning something about spring being a time for miracles, but then they have to slander the Easter Bunny, turning him into a disgruntled boss, ranting about all the benefits his employees want! And what kid doesn’t want to watch a holiday special with a constipated-looking rabbit singing “Who Cares About Easter”? Continue reading “The Berenstain Bears’ Easter Surprise (1981)”
While it unfortunately hewed to all the worst conventions of the genre (multiple one note characters each with a personal issue we care nothing about combined with large scale disaster that utilizes decidedly low scale special effects), it further tormented the audience with a villain who was moronically stubborn and a lengthy climax involving Burgess Meredith breaking out his ancient tight rope walking skills to ferry a child across a destroyed foot bridge. (That doesn’t count as a spoiler since it was randomly revealed early in the movie that William Holden’s Shelby Gilmore saw the high wire act years ago in Vienna thus alerting the audience that a sweaty-faced Meredith would surely be dramatically putting one foot in front of the other on a narrow beam near the end of the film while the rest of the cast worked on their tense and gasping reaction shots.) Continue reading “When Time Ran Out… (1980)”
You can’t really blame the group of hapless campers at the center of Dark Harvest, a borderline amateur production that relentlessly proves being stranded in the desert is as boring as you would imagine, for not really understanding the magnitude of the threat they are facing. If it was man-eating scorpions or giant ants or even mutants made radioactive by years of atomic testing, you could be irritated that they’re dilly dallying around arguing with each other since any one of those threats is so obvious, they’re probably mentioned in Fodor’s. Continue reading “Dark Harvest (1992)”