Author: monsterhunter

To the Death (1992)

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Flawed kickboxing champ BJ Quinn has cleaned up his life and ironed out a lot of the character deficiencies he proudly displayed in American Kickboxer. He’s quit drinking, settled down and married his girlfriend, and is finally retiring from the sport and the violence that has been his life!

He’s even taken a stand against profanity, responding to his rival calling him an unflattering twelve letter word with “you shut your foul mouth and you hit the road! Look, I don’t need this shit!” Exactly B.J.! Guys like us living a straight edge, no profanity life don’t need some asshole polluting our gentlemanly air! That’s total bullshit! Continue reading “To the Death (1992)” →

Back in Business (1997)

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A classic sports car packed with heroin! A crooked cop out to make a buck and kill our heroes! A showdown in every low budget action movie’s favorite location – a quarry! A showdown in every low budget action movie’s second favorite location – an airplane graveyard! An extended game of pick up basketball featuring college football legend (and NFL bust) Brian “the Boz” Bosworth playing in only his boxers and work boots! It all adds up to one thing: former cop Joe Elkhart (The Boz) and Tony Dunbar (anonymous black guy you don’t care about) are back in business! Continue reading “Back in Business (1997)” →

American Kickboxer (1991)

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He is the kickboxing middleweight champion of the world. He’s not above using an elbow during a match and acting like a jackass between rounds by sreeching his trademark banshee cry. He’s got a potty mouth, a drinking problem, is a jealous turd who tells his girlfriend to shut up at dinner, and abandons the guy he trained right before that guy’s biggest fight of life! He’s also a hothead who gets into a fight, kills a guy, goes to prison, gets out of prison, gets into another fight, and then moves away from his girlfriend because he’s a pouty-assed baby. Meet B.J. Quinn, our hero! Continue reading “American Kickboxer (1991)” →

One Man’s Justice (1996)

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Brian Bosworth plays John North, a guy who is out to inflict one man’s justice after his family is viciously murdered by a gang of punks on the hunt for experimental military weapons. At least he is until his mouthy kid sidekick talks him out of it!

Thankfully, it was just a temporary bout of insanity that North must have been suffering from when he let the scumbag who did his wife and daughter go because he ultimately heaved the mastermind of everything off the roof of a high rise, but the fact that North even entertained the notion that bloody thirsty vengeance wasn’t right surely reveals the character flaw the got his family whacked in the first place. Continue reading “One Man’s Justice (1996)” →

Roots of Evil (1992)

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A degenerate (and really sweaty!) creep with a mother fixation is stalking and slashing the working girls of the City of Angels! And only one grizzled cop, haunted by his past, but having a soft spot for sexy sex workers can make the streets safe again for six inch heels and tube tops, earning him the everlasting admiration of whores and johns alike!

But can he overcome his demons and the shocking truth of who the sleazy serial killer is or will the hookers on the Strip have to permanently trade in their their bustiers for the special steel threaded top he gives to the hooker he uses as bait to lure the killer out of hiding? All of us horny dudes, except for the geeks at Renaissance fairs who don’t mind their wenches dressed in chain mail armor, are certainly rooting for Detective Jake! Continue reading “Roots of Evil (1992)” →

A Family Circus Easter (1982)

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Perhaps owing to its underlying religious solemnity (and its lame secular holiday hero), Easter doesn’t have as deep of bench of animated specials like Christmas or Halloween. There’s the Peanuts special of course (and wouldn’t most of us just as soon as see the Easter Beagle replace the Easter Bunny?) and a couple of Rankin-Bass efforts, but after that, things get thin enough that the dedicated fan of seasonal shenanigans probably will at some point find herself watching the basket of smelly eggs known as A Family Circus Easter. Continue reading “A Family Circus Easter (1982)” →

It’s the Easter Beagle, Charlie Brown! (1974)

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One character will doubt the one she loves most. Another will continue living the personal hell that comes with a lack of belief in anything positive. Unrequited love, shoe shopping, stolen Easter eggs, designer bird houses and species identity confusion will also play a part in what shapes up to be the busiest holiday of not only any Peanuts special specifically, but of all other specials as well! Continue reading “It’s the Easter Beagle, Charlie Brown! (1974)” →