Category: 1960s

Mars Needs Women (1967)

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The details are almost too terrifying to report: a $25,000 budget, a two week shooting schedule, Tommy Kirk, and a TV movie. That in a nutshell is what we have with Mars Needs Women, a movie that can’t hide the low budget, low star power, and the low wattage script that it suffers from throughout.

This is another silly Martian invasion movie. You know how those Martians are. They’re always giving our planet the bugged-eyed once over because of its really sweet location in the universe.

In this case, the usual invasion plan has been modified a bit to try and trick teenyboppers into watching the movie. See, Mars has gone into some kind genetic free fall (probably because they kept sending their best and brightest to Earth in past invasion attempts) and the result is that for every 100 male Martians there is only one female Martian. I think you know what happens when you have a planet load of horny Martians: road trip to Earth! Continue reading “Mars Needs Women (1967)” →

Curse of the Fly (1965)

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Truly, the Fly has his final and most horrifying revenge on us in this, the final film in the original trilogy. Just like the other star of the previous two films, the Fly joins Vincent Price on vacation and actually sits the whole movie out!

I try not to expect too much out of some of these movies, but is it really out of line to expect that in a film entitled The Curse Of The Fly, that the Fly be running around groping ingenues and choking lab assistants? Aren’t we owed scenes of some actor valiantly struggling not to tip over due to the top heavy nature of the giant fly-head mask he has to wear?

At the very least, we should get some flashbacks that show the Fly in his prime, complete with that honey-combed point of view shot they used whenever they wanted to show us what the Fly was seeing. But you know what we get? A glossy 8×10! Continue reading “Curse of the Fly (1965)” →

Mantis in Lace (1968)

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After watching this less than riveting tale of a go-go dancer who takes LSD and kills her lovers, the biggest question is whether you should categorize what you’ve just seen as a bad trip or merely a bummer. I would submit that while aggressively lengthy in its pointlessness, nothing beyond the expected community playhouse acting, wooden dialogue, and pasty-sized plot occurs that would induce flashbacks years later.

There is of course the memorably bad theme song Lila that our go go dancing heroine (also named Lila) insists on playing while grinding with her johns that she picks up and takes to her daddy’s abandoned warehouse, but soon enough you’ll be humming “Li-la” over and over as you shimmy about your living room suggestively. Continue reading “Mantis in Lace (1968)” →

Bloody Pit of Horror (1965)

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Mickey Hargitay was a body builder who starred in Hercules vs. the Hydra, Delirium, and a couple of other Italian schlock flicks, but the most impressive item on his resume is that he was once the husband of Jayne Mansfield.

He puts all that vital experience to use in Bloody Pit Of Horror as a guy that runs around shirtless in red tights, torturing and killing the folks who just wanted to use his castle to do some cheesecake photo shoots for a horror anthology they were working on.

There is a distinctly awesome vibe going on in this film and it has something to do with the fact that the well-oiled Hargitay runs around in his way too snug tights, his little red hood, and his large black belt, all the while complaining about how everyone is “corrupting the harmony of my perfect body.” This is the sort of thing you rarely get in horror films, even Italian ones! Continue reading “Bloody Pit of Horror (1965)” →

Doctor Zhivago (1965)

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As directed by David Lean, Dr. Zhivago is a movie of sweeping scale and swirling historical events about the life of a Russian poet. Once it was all over though, I wondered why more time wasn’t devoted to Zhivago and less time devoted to shots of trees fluttering, frosted over windows, and really cold countryside. As the movie drew to a close, I felt like all I knew about Zhivago was that he loves to pump blondes, write poems, and isn’t really sold on this Russian Revolution thing. Heck, that could describe any of us! Continue reading “Doctor Zhivago (1965)” →

Cleopatra (1963)

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Holy crap, that was long! Such was my reaction after finishing this one about two days after I started it. Lumbering, plodding, crawling, rumbling, stumbling, and finally bumbling into the endzone after an eternity, this movie (and really, that’s probably too charitable a term for something more akin to second job) will sorely test the patience of even the hardiest of historical epic fans. Continue reading “Cleopatra (1963)” →