Hunters of the Golden Cobra (1982)

If you recall the magical doodads Indiana Jones was after in his various adventures, they all had some kind of superpower that was supposed to awe us. The Lost Ark melted dudes who stared at it, the Holy Grail was like a fountain of youth and really kick ass dose of Neosporin and nobody remembers anything about the Temple of Doom or that crystal skull.

For my money though, the most fearsome of these jungle Maltese Falcons infused with voodoo magic juice isn’t one those top of the line cinema treasures, but one of its economy-class import imitators, the Golden Cobra! And you know why? Because anyone with a home theater can identify with what happens to our heroes in this film! Continue reading “Hunters of the Golden Cobra (1982)”

Jungle Raiders (1985)

I like a main character in a movie that needs as much action as I do! Too many times we’re saddled with reluctant heroes and guys who only grudgingly go about the business of serious ass kicking.

Where are the dudes who want to take it right to the dirty scum that’s threatening to take over everything that matters to them? Isn’t there anyone willing to risk everything for the simple pleasure of killing Borneo pirates? Aren’t there any two-fisted guys in red neck kerchiefs and sea captain’s hats that don’t mind invading the island stronghold of the evil Tiger single-handedly while time bombs are going off everywhere around him? Continue reading “Jungle Raiders (1985)”

Alien from the Deep (1989)

I really couldn’t tell if Charles Napier’s Colonel Kovacks, the evil chemical plant operator, was supposed to be the bad guy in this mouth-watering alien slime drenched Italian jungle/horror/sci-fi casserole.

Napier ruthlessly pursues a couple of trespassing environmental activists, cusses out his employees, shrugs off the Chicken Little whining of his head scientist (first about the problems with the volcano they are using to dump toxic waste in and then about the strange burrowing creature that’s terrorizing the plant) and settles on a plan of blowing everything to back to the Stone Age to defeat the creature.

How can you not admire a guy who, when given dire information about the alien, smirks and says “don’t worry about it Geoffrey because this is war and that’s something I know a lot about.” First environmentalists and now this? It’s all just more asses to kick for Col. Kovacks! Continue reading “Alien from the Deep (1989)”

Cannibal Apocalypse (1980)

An observation about Vietnam vets and post traumatic stress disorder needs to be made after watching this odd hybrid of the Italian cannibal and Rambo genres. It probably would be better for your mental well-being if you are having flashbacks about how crappy the war was (specifically that time your friends bit you when you were rescuing them from a tiger cage) if your bedroom wasn’t adorned with photos from the war, including a really nicely framed and matted picture of a bunch of stuff blowing up.

John Saxon, the serious-looking dude from Enter The Dragon, plays Norman, the veteran tormented by the fact that his worthless pal bit him and now all these years later, he is starting to get the urge to take bites out of the young skanky neighbor girl. Continue reading “Cannibal Apocalypse (1980)”