Monster Shark (1984)

It was touch and go for awhile, but in the end Monster Shark persevered and got the win. Oh, I don’t mean he beat his human assailants. He got his prehistoric ass torched by an army of flamethrowers because we decided blowing him up wasn’t good enough. I mean that Monster Shark got more kills than the humans did.

Shockingly for a movie about an evil rampaging sea monster, the humans were killing each other at the same clip as that crusty old barnacle of a hideous beast was. It wasn’t until the very end when he wracked up a bunch of cheap kills during the final showdown that he pulled out the win. Continue reading “Monster Shark (1984)”

Cruel Jaws (1995)

Has Bruno Mattei ever made a bad movie? Or at least a bad movie that I haven’t loved? The Auteur of Awful responsible for such varied success stories as Rats: Night of Terror (the best giant-rats-take-over-the-world movie ever!), Hell Of The Living Dead (crossdressers against zombies? That’s just common sense film making!), the literally excrement-filled Violence in a Women’s Prison, and the impenetrably fantastic mess that was aptly titled The Other Hell, checks in with his take on yet another junkfood genre – the killer shark movie! Continue reading “Cruel Jaws (1995)”

Shock Waves (1977)

ShockWavesPosterAmong the various secret Nazi plans to win WWII that involved the occult, clones, brain transplants, looted gold, and lost arks, the most fearsome of all (according to this movie at least, but it’s probably a bit biased) was the creation of the Death Corps.

The Death Corps, as both the narrator and later Peter Cushing would explain, were a bunch of thugs and murderers who were turned into zombies that lived only to kill. Now, I would have just thought that those things would be called Nazis, but these Death Corps guys were apparently Nazis that had turned it up a notch. Continue reading “Shock Waves (1977)”

Tentacles (1977)

Tentacles PosterSo horrible on every level, it’s the sort of movie that leaves you sputtering in a laughable attempt to describe precisely what was so awful about it all.

Like the debris from the boats that the killer octopus leaves scattered here and there between bouts of eating children, the hideous aspects of this film featuring Henry Fonda (apparently warming up for The Swarm) are strewn helter skelter throughout every facet of it. Continue reading “Tentacles (1977)”

The Alligator People (1959)

Swamp gas about a new bride trying to find out why her husband suddenly bugged out on her after receiving a mysterious telegram while aboard a train.

Though it’s clear to you and I as soon he reads the telegram and that “holy crap, my doctor says that experimental treatment he gave me to help me recover from that horrific plane crash is going to slowly turn me into a human alligator” look comes over his face as to why he has to leave, for some reason Joyce Webster can’t puzzle any of it out. Continue reading “The Alligator People (1959)”

The Monster That Challenged the World (1957)

Since The Monster That Challenged The World was made in the 1950s, the titular monster is an enlarged beast in the tradition of every other supersized household pest of the era (spiders, ants, grasshoppers, women) and is after gals in bathing suits.

That isn’t strictly its plan, but that’s how it kind of plays out in this remarkably unremarkable monster rampage movie starring a washed up star of grade Z cowboy movies and a monster that alternately looks like a caterpillar with pincers or a big lumpy piece of dog turd, depending on the angle. At least it didn’t look like a snail since, you know, that’s what it really was. Continue reading “The Monster That Challenged the World (1957)”