Category: Classic

Christmas in Connecticut (1945)

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Barbara Stanwyck plays Elizabeth Lane, a gal who writes a column for a magazine extolling the virtues of a traditional home in the country and who provides recipes and babbles about her family. The funny part (not ha-ha funny of course) is that she lives in the city, has a Hungarian chef named Felix do all the cooking, and doesn’t have a family beyond the stuffy architect suitor (John) she loathes. Her editor knows all this, but her publisher (Sydney Greenstreet) doesn’t and would fire her in a minute if he ever found out.

The movie begins with two sailors on a raft with little food. If you threw a priest and a hooker in there with them, you’d have the makings of a pretty good joke, but as it is, this is merely all set up for Liz’s big Christmas problem. Continue reading “Christmas in Connecticut (1945)” →

The Bells of St. Mary’s (1945)

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In this sequel to Going My Way Bing Crosby returns in his role as an out of control, play by his own rules, stick it to the man priest, Father O’Malley. O’Malley is the guy the Church sends in when everyone else has failed! He’s their final option! This time, all our souls are saved!

In this tale, O’Malley is appointed interim commissioner of St. Mary’s, a parochial school where things are way sucky. Bing arrives and the housekeeper informs him that the last priest got carted off in an ambulance or something because the nuns ran roughshod all over his candy ass. Continue reading “The Bells of St. Mary’s (1945)” →

Jane Eyre (1943)

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As she did in Rebecca, Joan Fontaine plays an outsider who moves into a fancy house which harbors a dark secret and even more importantly, a rich stud (Orson Welles) who is haunted by that secret!

Jane Eyre (Fontaine) is one of those waifish orphan girls who suffers from a bad attitude while she’s living with her evil aunt and her prissy cousin. It isn’t long though before the aunt tells Jane that she’s going to get to go away to a special school for girls.

Jane is excited because now she’ll get to learn stuff and be at a school where everyone will love her. This place she’s going is called Lowood and just to show her aunt who has all the stroke now that she’s off to this special school, she unleashes a vitriolic speech on the aunt in the front yard just before she tells the coachman to deliver her to her awesome new school! Continue reading “Jane Eyre (1943)” →

Hawaii (1966)

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Hawaii is the often boring and frequently turgid epic film adapted from James Michener’s novel of the same name. It tells the story of Christian missionary Abner Hale (Max Von Sydow) and his efforts to bring his fire and brimstone brand of Christianity to the “heathens” who are native to Hawaii. Along for the ride, constantly whining, is Julie Andrews. Gene Hackman also appears sporting epic muttonchops. Continue reading “Hawaii (1966)” →

The Big Country (1958)

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Gregory Peck is James McKay, which means that I had to suppress a snicker whenever someone started talking about Jim McKay buying that spread of land called the Big Muddy and getting himself involved in a range war, since I kept expecting Jim McKay to start talking about the “thrill of victory” after getting the Big Muddy and bemoaning “the agony of defeat” after the Major (don’t ask) and Burl Ives shoot each other during the big canyon showdown that brings the movie to its close. Continue reading “The Big Country (1958)” →

Show Boat (1951)

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ShowBoatPosterEven Old Man River himself could be forgiven for wandering off into another room while one of the innumerable ballads that stops the film dead in its tracks gets crooned by one of the movie’s three main characters. Other than Old Man River’s theme song, the tunes featured here are a collection of dirge-like ditties about love that barley even rhyme, let alone ever approach being hummable. To their credit, the songs never manage to be catchy enough to get painfully stuck in your head, but that doesn’t really make the film go any faster. Continue reading “Show Boat (1951)” →

D.O.A. (1950)

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D.O.A. takes on its subject matter with a stark straightforwardness that literally shows the protagonist as a walking dead man. Frank Bigelow gets poisoned by some slow acting stuff that allows him to run around California for a week before croaking, all in an effort to find out who was behind his impending death. Is there a better metaphor for the futility of life than that? Continue reading “D.O.A. (1950)” →