The Twins Effect (titled Vampire Effect for its US DVD release) had nineteen minutes deleted from it and some scenes shuffled around for its American release. I suppose that had I seen the movie in its original form, it might not have smelled about as bad as the sweat-stained coffin lining of the five hundred-year-old undead prince seeking to romance one half of the sensational Cantonese singing duo, Twins. Continue reading “The Twins Effect (2003)”
Category: Comedy
Roller Blade (1986)
Surprisingly, Roller Blade is not the first post-apocalyptic roller skating movie. Skatetown, U.S.A. and Roller Boogie both preceded it by a decade. And if you don’t think either of those films qualifies as post-apocalyptic, I don’t know what else you’d call one movie starring Linda Blair from the director of Truck Stop Women and another featuring (deep breath!) Patrick Swayze, Flip Wilson, Ruth Buzzi, Horshack, Marcia Brady, Scott Baio, and some chick from Little House On The Prairie! Continue reading “Roller Blade (1986)”
I Remember Mama (1948)
To: Kathryn Forbes
From: MonsterHunter Publishing
Re: Your Submission
We are in receipt of your stories about your mama that you’ve gone and turned into a movie. Since we aren’t in the practice of actually reading, we were forced to watch the movie version of your book, Mama’s Bank Account. Frankly, we are not convinced of the complete veracity of your tales. Is the audience really expected to believe that a simple woman from Norway could overcome such soul-shattering odds as a sick kitten or a child with an earache? We can only assume that you felt your mother’s war against indigestion and the time she had a bad haircut was simply too much for the audience to handle. Continue reading “I Remember Mama (1948)”
Fun with Dick and Jane (1977)
A lazy way to start this review would be to ape the writing of the children’s book series that this movie takes its title from. You know what I’m talking about. See Dick run. See Jane do whatever it is she did. See Spot take a dump on the carpet because he’s too dumb to know any different. That sort of thing.
I could tell you in that fashion that this movie isn’t very funny and personifies the word “slight” in describing the impression it will leave on you when you’ve finished it. I thought about being that lazy, but then I decided to take the even lazier route and do that at the end of this review. Continue reading “Fun with Dick and Jane (1977)”
The Million Dollar Duck (1971)
Dean Jones, who appeared in every single movie the Walt Disney Company made from 1965-1975, stars as a scientist who is trying to teach animals stuff. For reasons never adequately explained, he is fixated on trying to teach an obviously dull-witted duck how to do something. His boss ridicules him for this, but once you get a gander at Dean’s home life, you begin to understand why he feels a duty to try and help the brain damaged of the animal kingdom. Continue reading “The Million Dollar Duck (1971)”
Escapade in Florence (1962)
The movies culled from re-editing multi-part episodes of the old Disneyland TV series are a mixed bag. Some of them like Dr. Syn, Alias The Scarecrow stand with any of Walt’s theatrical projects in terms of story, production values, and execution. Others, such as Mystery In Dracula’s Castle suffer from weak scripts and a decidedly workmanlike effort both in front of and behind the camera. Escapade In Florence falls somewhere in between these two extremes as it’s hampered by a lousy script, but is made bearable by the location shooting in Italy and the winning performances of stars Tommy Kirk and Annette Funicello. Continue reading “Escapade in Florence (1962)”
Invasion of the Star Creatures (1962)
The first words on the screen were “Presented by R.I. Diculous.” A few more of these “wacky” credits followed confirming my suspicions that I was in for one of those most painful of movie going experiences: the bad movie that tries to be so bad that it’s funny. Continue reading “Invasion of the Star Creatures (1962)”