Young Paula is hustled out of London after the death of her famous singer aunt. As is the case with most survivors of violent crime, Paula is eligible for an all expense paid trip to beautiful Italy! While there, you will try and follow in the melodic footsteps of your aunt, but be sidetracked by the smooth-talking Charles Boyer who is after a bunch of really sweet jewels that your dead aunt got from some shadowy royal figure. Or you can pass and bid on Showcase #2! Continue reading “Gaslight (1944)”
Category: Drama
Johnny Shiloh (1963)
That not many folks remember John Lincoln Clem (codename Johnny Shiloh) and his patriotism anymore is a testament to how much this country has become pansified by all the anti-war do-gooders that seem to sprout up whenever Democracy needs to lay a whupping on someone.
Thankfully, another great American, Walt Disney, used his Disneyland TV show to dramatize Johnny’s adventures back in 1963. Demonstrating a commitment to Johnny’s legacy as well as to the burgeoning home video market of the 1980s, the Walt Disney Company also thankfully saw fit to edit both episodes into a 90 minute movie and release it on VHS for real Americans to savor! Continue reading “Johnny Shiloh (1963)”
Toby Tyler, or Ten Weeks with a Circus (1960)
Toby is just a little kid who doesn’t ask for much. He’s poor and lives with relatives who hate him, but he is super-stoked when the circus rolls in to town. And this isn’t some newfangled circus that hands out coupons at the local grocery store. This is a full-blown, traveling circus that comes right up Main Street, U.S.A. in all its brightly colored glory. In short, exactly the sort of kick ass circus any brat with a cruddy home life would run away with. Continue reading “Toby Tyler, or Ten Weeks with a Circus (1960)”
Demetrius and the Gladiators (1954)
Nine months after Richard Burton was harassed into becoming a Christian by a red beach towel in The Robe, Hollywood decided it was time for a sequel. Since this whole Christian thing worked out so well for Burton and co-star Jean Simmons (you might recall they ended up on the wrong end of the archery field at the end of The Robe), it was left to Victor Mature to run around squawking about this robe and how it can just butt out of his life when things get rough.
Everyone’s favorite character in this movie (well, aside from the robe – it’s kind of hard to be a real Christian and not pick the robe) is Strabo, the tough but lovable guy that runs the gladiator school and played by Ernest Borgnine. Continue reading “Demetrius and the Gladiators (1954)”
The Robe (1953)
Richard Burton’s Marcellus Gallio is a tribune in the Roman army and we meet him as he hangs out in a town marketplace. He peruses the slaves, fights with his girlfriend, and meets up with a gal from his youth. Since she is played by Jean Simmons (The Big Country and Elmer Gantry) his fight with the girlfriend understandably doesn’t seem as important as it once did. If I thought for one second that anyone from my childhood ended up looking like Jean Simmons instead of Gene Simmons, I’d probably be booking my hotel room for my high school reunion now instead of planning on egging my English teacher’s car that night. Continue reading “The Robe (1953)”
Cass Timberlane (1947)
Cass Timberlane is an awful film from the very beginning when we first encounter Spencer Tracy camped out on the bench as the Circuit Judge of Backwoods, Minnesota where he delivers a smug sermon to a couple seeking a divorce about the sanctity of marriage. Easy for him to say, what with his old lady dying in the first year of their marriage.
I will confess that I gave Judge Cass some credit when he thought to himself about how boring it was to be sitting there listening to all these boring cases. But then again, it wasn’t like he had to sit through a movie about it, either. Continue reading “Cass Timberlane (1947)”
Body Moves (1990)
“We have to be awesome if we want to win!” Though rich brat Kevin is clearly a douche and though his dance moves are clearly cribbed from Vanilla Ice, he hits upon the very truth of what Body Moves, and by extension life, is all about.
Like some sort of toolish Knute Rockne whipping the boys into a Gipper-inspired frenzy at halftime of the big game, Kevin (or Kev-In as the license plates on his pansy red sports car read) reaches deep into the very shallow souls of his fellow dance team members to wring all the laughably spastic moves out of them that will be necessary to triumph over all comers! Continue reading “Body Moves (1990)”