Blended families can be hard, especially on really hot spoiled step-sisters. Having a new step-mom who is the apple of your daddy’s eye can make you feel like you have to choose between being loyal to your real mom and supporting your dad’s need to get laid by someone who isn’t a middle-aged nag.
For dark-haired step-sister Hailey, this also manifests itself in being a mean girl to blonde-haired step-sister Sam. But if these two are going to be living together in the same house, going to the same school and attending the same parties, is there any way this relationship can be built into something approaching at least the barely legal version of Cold War detente? Enter the evil African statue! Continue reading “House of Fears (2007)”
Night of the Demons is another one of those movies where a bunch of poorly constructed teen characters (they are all “types” as opposed to people – good girl, douche boyfriend, fat slob, scared black guy, girl who flashes panties as part of a shoplifting ring – the usual horror movie tropes) get stalked and murdered by monsters while trapped in a particular location (in this case an old funeral home). Continue reading “Night of the Demons (1988)”
This is the Pumpkinhead sequel for William Shakespeare fans! After the standard issue horror plots of the previous three films which included a dad getting revenge for the death of his son, Pumpkinhead’s half-breed son getting revenge for his own death and a town getting revenge because the local crematorium defrauded everyone, we finally get a story of star-crossed lovers whose tale of warring families and forbidden love can’t help to bring to mind Romeo and Juliet. Continue reading “Pumpkinhead: Blood Feud (2007)”
Common sense would dictate that a certain hick town nearbouts Razorback Holler wouldn’t have all that much crime happening. The last time some city folk came by and killed a local boy, old Pumpkinhead showed up and slaughtered the lot of them. Then his boy appeared to kill not only a bunch of townspeople but also another pack of moronic teens. People should be no more inclined to commit some wrong there than they would in a similarly strict place like Singapore. Except that instead of getting caned for throwing your gum on the sidewalk, you’d have your head crushed by demonic claws! Continue reading “Pumpkinhead: Ashes to Ashes (2006)”
Pumpkinhead II: Blood Wings is the sort of film that when you see famous presidential half-brother Roger Clinton in the opening credits, you cringe at the thought of how his gratuitous presence is going to ruin what would otherwise be a serviceable sequel to a decent horror movie, but by the time of the closing credits, you are thinking that at least the two pointless scenes with Roger Clinton as the mayor with an entourage were goofy enough that you actually remembered them, unlike the rest of what is the ultimate in generic straight-to-video 1990s horror trash. Continue reading “Pumpkinhead II: Blood Wings (1993)”
When will you city folk ever learn? When you done and gone killed Ed Harley’s little boy in a drunken dirt bike accident, you left Pa Harley no choice but to seek out the old witch who lives up on the mountain so that she might conjure up hisself a demon to right this terrible wrong y’all did.
And if you think this is just a regular run of the mill demon summoned from some lame ritual involving satanic douche bags in bathrobes uttering a bunch of Latin mumbo jumbo, well that’s just one more thing you city slickers are ignorant of!
For you see, poor country folks like Ed Harley, who runs the dilapidated food stand by the highway, doesn’t have two pots to piss in so a lot of this demon business is a do it yourself affair. The mountain witch tells Ed that if he’s serious about this supernatural revenge, there’s a price to pay! And the down payment is nothing less than having to dig up the demon’s corpse and bring it back to her! Continue reading “Pumpkinhead (1988)”