The Hollow asks the viewer to swallow any number of silly-assed things over the course of its admittedly mostly painless 83 minutes: Former Backstreet Boy Nick Carter as a jock so obsessed with his town being recognized for its connection to Washington Irving’s “The Legend of Sleepy Hollow” story that he almost abuses a girl for not being into it enough. Nicholas Turturo as a sheriff. Stacey Keach as filthy, drunken groundskeeper Claus Van Ripper, affecting a strange accent for no real reason and who knows all the ins and outs of the Headless Horseman. A Headless Horseman who may be pranking our hero’s dad by ringing his doorbell and then running away. Twice. Continue reading “The Hollow (2004)”
The police ruled it a justified homicide. It was a Halloween prank gone horribly wrong, Alec pretending to be a masked killer attacking his girlfriend before her brother intervened and stopped him! With a knife! Again and again! How was Jonathan to know that on Halloween night, it wasn’t really a movie-style slasher who just randomly came into the house to murder his sister only a few minutes after her prick boyfriend Alec just left? Who would have thought it was all a joke?
Well sure, you or I or pretty much anyone with half a brain wouldn’t come rampaging at a guy in a costume on Halloween, stabbing him over and over like we were Norman Bates after too many cups of coffee, but Jonathan was still amped from a brutal night of carving pumpkins! Continue reading “The Pumpkin Karver (2006)”
Perhaps All Hallows’ Eve was meant to be the ultimate meta experience for fans of trashy low budget horror movies. Is there any greater commentary on the genre than making a bad horror movie about a woman who is sitting at home watching bad horror movies? Or maybe writer and director Damien Leone had a couple of cheesy short films he previously shot and just repurposed that footage to make a feature length film. Continue reading “All Hallows’ Eve (2013)”
Blended families can be hard, especially on really hot spoiled step-sisters. Having a new step-mom who is the apple of your daddy’s eye can make you feel like you have to choose between being loyal to your real mom and supporting your dad’s need to get laid by someone who isn’t a middle-aged nag.
For dark-haired step-sister Hailey, this also manifests itself in being a mean girl to blonde-haired step-sister Sam. But if these two are going to be living together in the same house, going to the same school and attending the same parties, is there any way this relationship can be built into something approaching at least the barely legal version of Cold War detente? Enter the evil African statue! Continue reading “House of Fears (2007)”
Night of the Demons is another one of those movies where a bunch of poorly constructed teen characters (they are all “types” as opposed to people – good girl, douche boyfriend, fat slob, scared black guy, girl who flashes panties as part of a shoplifting ring – the usual horror movie tropes) get stalked and murdered by monsters while trapped in a particular location (in this case an old funeral home). Continue reading “Night of the Demons (1988)”
This is the Pumpkinhead sequel for William Shakespeare fans! After the standard issue horror plots of the previous three films which included a dad getting revenge for the death of his son, Pumpkinhead’s half-breed son getting revenge for his own death and a town getting revenge because the local crematorium defrauded everyone, we finally get a story of star-crossed lovers whose tale of warring families and forbidden love can’t help to bring to mind Romeo and Juliet. Continue reading “Pumpkinhead: Blood Feud (2007)”
Common sense would dictate that a certain hick town nearbouts Razorback Holler wouldn’t have all that much crime happening. The last time some city folk came by and killed a local boy, old Pumpkinhead showed up and slaughtered the lot of them. Then his boy appeared to kill not only a bunch of townspeople but also another pack of moronic teens. People should be no more inclined to commit some wrong there than they would in a similarly strict place like Singapore. Except that instead of getting caned for throwing your gum on the sidewalk, you’d have your head crushed by demonic claws! Continue reading “Pumpkinhead: Ashes to Ashes (2006)”