Category: Italian Cinema

Taur the Mighty (1963)

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Taur the Mighty Italian PosterThe Italian sword and sandal flicks of the early 1960s got in a lot of reps and built up an impressive quantity of work. It doesn’t take a student of the genre to determine that this quantity didn’t exactly translate into quality of any degree. For the most part, the majority of them were interchangeable variations of some bodybuilder posing and rumbling around rickety sets, busting up extras, poorly costumed monsters, and engaging in laughable feats of strength. In short, these films were terrible. But even so, there was one thing you could say in their favor. At least they weren’t Taurible!

For starters, Taur can’t even get his own name right! The VHS cover refers to him as Tor, the onscreen title of the film calls him Taur, but everyone in the movie including himself, says he is Thor!

Even with that identity crisis though, at least he didn’t have to suffer the indignity of Harry Baird’s character, Ubaratutu! As silly as Ubaratutu is as a name, it was the least offensive part of the character! Continue reading “Taur the Mighty (1963)” →

Gentlemen of the Night (1964)

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Pino Mercanti’s Gentlemen of the Night takes all that you love about the Renaissance-era talkathons (guys in hose, chicks in low cut dresses) and livens it up with dudes in masks and hoods who have secret society meetings to discuss setting up another secret society.

In their defense, the bad guys are doing all this discussing and planning to counter the threat posed by bored nobles who are discussing and planning a revolution to free the Republic of Venice from the goofy-looking, sour-faced simp in charge! Continue reading “Gentlemen of the Night (1964)” →

The Masked Man Against the Pirates (1964)

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Who was that masked man? Supposedly, he was the scourge of the pirates who were attacking Spanish galleons, stealing their gold, killing their men, and selling their sexy broads into slavery back in the 17th Century.

We know he’s totally feared because the slaver trying to buy some women comments about all the stories of Masked Man and his good guy antics. This, despite all the evidence to this point in The Masked Man Against the Pirates having been completely to the contrary. That is unless you consider a dude whacking a guy in the back of the head with a log and stealing a kiss from a captured princess a one man Spanish Armada. Continue reading “The Masked Man Against the Pirates (1964)” →

The Black Archer (1959)

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Who was that masked man? Well, it sure as hell wasn’t the Black Archer! Because apparently that dude doesn’t even exist! At no time in Piero Pierotti’s The Black Archer did a costumed vigilante who swiped William Tell’s gimmick ever make an appearance!

Not to worry though because Pierotti didn’t go on to direct such memorably forgotten Italian adventure films as Giant of the Evil Island by hosing its audience out of what was promised in the title despite that there wasn’t any giant in Giant of the Evil Island. So it is that instead of The Black Archer, we get… The Avenging Arrow! Continue reading “The Black Archer (1959)” →

The Magnificent Gladiator (1964)

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The magnificence of the titular gladiator of this film can be boiled down to his most muscular feature. No, not his pleasingly polished pecs, which of course stand out amongst all the wimpy Romans. And not even his Pompeii Pompadour which surely defeated several Roman legions with its impressive height. That which made this particular Hercules worthy of the name was his shredded smile!

It is understandable that in many of these sword and sandal epics from the 1960s that our bronzed babe of beef would probably be lacking in the smiles department. Invariably, the home village was burned, family and/or wife killed or kidnapped, lots of straining to lift, tear up and throw assorted ancient world items, and even some good old fashioned torture really don’t provide much of a “turn that frown upside down” opportunity. Continue reading “The Magnificent Gladiator (1964)” →

Sandokan Against the Leopard of Sarawak (1964)

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Sandokan needs no introduction. The 18th Century pirate was the subject of a number of novels, several films (including a series of four in 1963-64), a TV miniseries, and even two different animated series!

With his faithful (and decidedly white) sidekick Yanez, the Tiger of Malaya as Sandy was known, has proven, like Robin Hood, Tarzan, and Starbuck from the original Battlestar Galactica to be one of the great enduring characters beloved the world over. At least that’s what the Internet tells me. I’ve never heard of the guy. I thought he was Yanez’s sidekick! Continue reading “Sandokan Against the Leopard of Sarawak (1964)” →

Charge of the Black Lancers (1962)

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It’s the Polish versus the Tartars! Obviously, I had no idea who to root for before the movie started. The Polish are best known for their delicious sausage, but the Tartars have that secret sauce that makes fish tolerable!

A toss up in the culinary department to be sure, so I would have wait and actually watch the movie, though that wasn’t much help since the good guy was a simpering blonde Polish dude played by Mel Ferrer named Andre while the barbarians (specifically identified as the Kyrgyz) are ruled by an evil queen who somehow is so unpleasant she makes Andre’s scuzzy traitor brother Sergei seem not so bad. Continue reading “Charge of the Black Lancers (1962)” →