Category: War

War Bus Commando (1989)

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War Bus Commando VHS CoverThis time all our school buses loaded with the Shah of Iran’s stolen gold come home!

Genial special forces operative and all around killing machine Johnny Hondo has only been back home at his Montana ranch for a month following a daytime rescue mission (during which he was inexplicably dressed in black) in Soviet-occupied Afghanistan when his country comes calling again!

General Ross tells Johnny that his father, General Hondo, is dying in Washington! A deathbed conversation is quickly arranged for the Hondos and the General sends his son on one final explosive suicide mission!

General Hondo makes it clear that there is no chance for Johnny to succeed, but that he needs to do it to restore his old man’s military honor! Continue reading “War Bus Commando (1989)” →

Johnny Tremain (1957)

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I always suspected that those snobby British goons who tried to stifle all our basic human rights by laying a big tax on our imported tea were defeated through the interference of some plucky kids.

Since the novel this movie is based on won a Newbery Medal, I have to assume that it’s the God’s honest truth and that the colonists were such great guys that after they stormed the ships in Boston Harbor and dumped all the tea overboard, that they then took time to swab the decks and generally cleaned up the boat when they finished with their consumer protest. Continue reading “Johnny Tremain (1957)” →

Menace on the Mountain (1970)

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Menace On The Mountain (another two part Disney show from the 1970s taped together into a TV movie) is as toothless as one of the old coots that hung around town cowering before the villainous Poss Timmerlake.

The story of an ugly red headed kid (Jed) with big pouty lips who constantly whines about how his pa was last seen gutshot at some Civil War battle and that he wished he was man enough to take on this Poss dude, doesn’t generate much interest beyond the questionable thrill you get from watching Jed chase after his pet pig. Continue reading “Menace on the Mountain (1970)” →

The Human Shield (1991)

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I think I must be suffering from Gulf War Syndrome. Chronic fatigue? Yep. Muscle pain? That’s a roger on that, too. Jock itch? I’m typing with one hand, aren’t I? The weird thing though is that I didn’t catch it digging Charlie or whomever out of their grody spider holes. Nope, I picked me up dose of GWS from Michael Dudikoff’s virulently bad film, The Human Shield! Continue reading “The Human Shield (1991)” →

The Inglorious Bastards (1978)

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The Inglorious Bastards were just like the Dirty Dozen, only half as many and twice as ass kick! Once again, it’s left to the Italians to take all that’s awesome about a particular genre of American film (in this case, the “misfits on a mission” brand of war flick), and boil it all down to about 90 minutes of relentlessly violent action while amping up the vulgar touches that we come to crave from such fare. Continue reading “The Inglorious Bastards (1978)” →

Von Ryan’s Express (1965)

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Von Ryan's Express PosterI’ll give it to this movie – it was full of surprises that even a seasoned veteran of these “action packed POW escape” films couldn’t have planned for. The movie springs its biggest one on us right at the beginning. We’re in Italy and an American bomber crashes. I wasn’t surprised that the downed pilot was Frank Sinatra what with him being the star and all. What I was surprised about was how old he was. Once I got a gander at his craggy features I began to realize why it took so long to win World War II – all the soldiers went to bed after having dinner at 4:00 in the afternoon! Continue reading “Von Ryan’s Express (1965)” →

The Charge of the Light Brigade (1968)

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This has to be my favorite movie about the Crimean War! While the film attempts a half-hearted explanation of the events that take us into the Crimean War through its periodic (and somewhat snarky) animation segments (it was 1968 so you’ve got to expect a little pretentious artiness and social commentary), I didn’t get much more out of it than identifying the countries through the cartoon animals that represented them: Russia was a bear, Britain a lion and Turkey was a turkey wearing a fez. France was of course a chicken. Continue reading “The Charge of the Light Brigade (1968)” →