The Twins Effect (titled Vampire Effect for its US DVD release) had nineteen minutes deleted from it and some scenes shuffled around for its American release. I suppose that had I seen the movie in its original form, it might not have smelled about as bad as the sweat-stained coffin lining of the five hundred-year-old undead prince seeking to romance one half of the sensational Cantonese singing duo, Twins. Continue reading “The Twins Effect (2003)”
Hot Laps (1993)
Valvoline and Coca-Cola proudly bring you this Italian softcore porn tale of a stud race car driver trying to qualify for international competition while at the same time trying not to qualify for a sexually transmitted disease! Continue reading “Hot Laps (1993)”
The Magnificent Ambersons (1942)
RKO was guilty of the performing the cinematic equivalent of a partial birth abortion on Orson Welles’ The Magnificent Ambersons. Its 88 minute running time only came about after fifty minutes of it were shaved off by RKO butchers following a disastrous test screening.
And for some reason they thought they should show this movie to a Saturday night audience after they had already sat through a test screening of the upbeat musical The Fleet’s In! Guess what? People weren’t quite prepared to sit through Welles’ thoughtful meditation on the ending of a way of life and the coming technological boom after watching sailors sing and dance. Continue reading “The Magnificent Ambersons (1942)”
Mrs. Parkington (1944)
As soon as you see star Greer Garson hobble down the gigantic staircase of her ornate mansion all decked out in old gal makeup at the very beginning of the film, you immediately realize that you’re in for one of those deals where Old Girl is going to be sitting around flasbacking her way through her tumultuous life. Continue reading “Mrs. Parkington (1944)”
Terror Is a Man (1959)
For those of you who can’t get enough of those silly stories about mad scientists who somehow think that giving plastic surgery to large non-biped animals is going to turn those animals into people, we have this Filipino version of H.G. Wells’ story, The Island of Dr. Moreau. This version isn’t as flamboyant as the more popular Charles Laughton version (Island Of Lost Souls), chiefly because there is no one here poured into a white ice cream suit like the tubby Moreau was in that version. Continue reading “Terror Is a Man (1959)”
Demons III: The Ogre (1988)
As soon as Demons III: The Ogre cranked up and got past the standard “nightmare” prologue involving a little girl mucking around in a spooky basement and running into something sinister and I saw Tom and Cheryl and their little boy in a car in the Italian countryside, I began flashbacking to any number of other Italian horror flicks. If it’s one thing I’ve learned about Italy from all these movies, it’s that they don’t have Holiday Inns or Mariotts. They have haunted castles. And lots of them. Continue reading “Demons III: The Ogre (1988)”
Goliath Against the Giants (1961)
This movie was only half-lying based on its title. Unlike some previous outings (we all remember when Maciste showed up instead of Goliath in Goliath and the Vampires) there was actually a guy named Goliath tearing up ships and heaving Styrofoam rocks at guys in linen dresses. However, it pains me to report that the movie was quite bereft of anything that could be called a giant other than a guy Goliath fought who just happened to be taller than him. Continue reading “Goliath Against the Giants (1961)”