Dr. Lamb (1992)

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You know, I can never get enough of these movies about deranged Hong Kong taxi cab drivers banging corpses. There’s just something life affirming about knowing that our country is not the only cesspool capable of producing these animals.

Besides, with China’s birth control policy, the population over there has become unbalanced, leaving lots of deranged taxi cab drivers whose best bet for a date is the streetwalker-fare they just strangled to death in the back seat of the cab. “Mother is the invention of opportunity” is probably how the rudimentary English subtitles would no doubt put it. Continue reading “Dr. Lamb (1992)” →

Arabian Nights (1942)

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Arabian Nights was a big hit for Universal and launched one of the most improbable of film genres: the exotic picture starring the very white and decidedly un-exotic Jon Hall and the somewhat exotic and decidedly untalented Maria Montez (did it occur to anyone that this movie succeeded in spite of these two?) which saw them re-team for later efforts like White Savage, Gypsy Wildcat, Cobra Woman, Sudan, and of course Ali Baba And The Forty Thieves. Continue reading “Arabian Nights (1942)” →

Giant of the Evil Island (1965)

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Giant of the Evil Island promises us so much. Like a giant. And an evil island. And director Piero Pierotti (Hercules Against Rome) delivers exactly all of it! Now you may need to be a bit flexible on your definition of what a giant is since the pirate Malek appears to be of normal size, though admittedly stocky enough that a little kid might think he was giant. But there’s no doubting the presence of an evil island since Piero has the good sense to actually name Malek’s island hideout as Evil Island! Continue reading “Giant of the Evil Island (1965)” →

Excessive Force (1993)

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This is a great movie. If you’re Thomas Ian Griffith. Excessive Force is Griffith’s masturbatory fantasy where he’s a tough cop who plays by his own rules. As the writer and star, Griffith manages to leave no stone unturned in search of every 12 year old boy’s idea of how these rogue cop movies are supposed to go. Which I would be totally in favor of if Griffith wasn’t such a tool. Continue reading “Excessive Force (1993)” →

The Alligator People (1959)

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Swamp gas about a new bride trying to find out why her husband suddenly bugged out on her after receiving a mysterious telegram while aboard a train.

Though it’s clear to you and I as soon he reads the telegram and that “holy crap, my doctor says that experimental treatment he gave me to help me recover from that horrific plane crash is going to slowly turn me into a human alligator” look comes over his face as to why he has to leave, for some reason Joyce Webster can’t puzzle any of it out. Continue reading “The Alligator People (1959)” →

When Eagles Strike (2003)

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When Eagles Strike DVD CoverIt may take awhile, like almost the whole movie, but guess what happens once eagles finally strike? They leave a terrorist sized stain of freedom all over the Malaysian island where a U.S. Senator has been kidnapped and held hostage! And lots of huts blow up! When will those dudes in southeast Asia get the memo that building their huts with gasoline soaked reeds is just asking to have it blown sky high by pissed off American GIs looking for payback! Continue reading “When Eagles Strike (2003)” →