Author: monsterhunter

Demons 5: The Devil’s Veil (1989)

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A lot of crappy stuff happens to David on his ski vacation from hell. He and his friends fall through a crevice into an ice cavern where his old lady suffers a broken leg. One of his friends gets impaled on something or other. His other friends get possessed and cause all sorts of mischief. He stabs either his girlfriend or an ancient witch to death or both. And he even has to put up with a blind priest’s crabby dog!

Worst of all by far though is when he sees some haunted boobies shrivel up right before his very eyes, going from pert, perky, and perfect to withered, wasted, and woeful! Continue reading “Demons 5: The Devil’s Veil (1989)” →

Bride of Frankenstein (1935)

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Widely considered as superior to its predecessor, Bride of Frankenstein is one of those movies that is probably as great as many will tell you and is not nearly the dreary, serious meditation on the folly of playing God you may have been lead to believe nor is it an old and creaky monster movie that modern audiences will yawn during. In fact, watching this, I was reminded of the Re-Animator movies, what with the off-hand treatment of the Monster and the various shenanigans he gets into along the way. Continue reading “Bride of Frankenstein (1935)” →

Frankenstein (1931)

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Like for so many of us, Henry Frankenstein’s college years were a time of turmoil and self-discovery. He was way too advanced to stay in school and wanted the university to provide him with a steady stream of corpses so that he could continue playing God. The school refused, saying that they preferred to suck people dry over the course of a lifetime through their student loan program instead. So Henry put a flyer up at the student union looking for a hunchback to join his band and got an off-campus apartment with a windmill. If you substituted “kegs” for “corpses,” that pretty much describes my freshman year! Continue reading “Frankenstein (1931)” →

The Giants of Thessaly (1960)

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This Italian version of Jason And The Argonauts and Jason’s hunt for the golden fleece listed as badly as Jason’s boat did the during the first half hour of the film as he and I had to endure the whining of his traitorous crew. Just because there’s no food, the water is running out, and it’s becoming painfully obvious that Jason has led you on a wild goose chase, is no reason to behave like you’re from Crete. Continue reading “The Giants of Thessaly (1960)” →

Elmer Gantry (1960)

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Sinclair Lewis won the Nobel Prize for literature, was ripped off of a Pulitzer by the Columbia University trustees, won it for real later, declined it, wrote Babbitt, and eventually hired secretaries to play chess with him until he croaked from the effects of alcoholism. Somewhere in all this, he found time to pen what has to be regarded as the definitive novel about the nature of religion as Big Con. Continue reading “Elmer Gantry (1960)” →

The Mystery of Thug Island (1964)

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No one dares go to Snakes Island! No one that is but an evil Kali-worshipping Thuggee cult. And the British military guy who is seeking vengeance for the kidnapping of his daughter. And the squadron of soldiers and artillery pieces he brings with him. And also the band of snake hunters looking for easy pickings. But other than those hundred or so guys, absolutely no one dares to go to Snakes Island! Continue reading “The Mystery of Thug Island (1964)” →

Delta Force Commando II: Priority Red One (1990)

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Everything about Delta Force Commando II is twice what Delta Force Commando was! Twice as less action from Fred “The Hammer” Williamson! Twice the use of the same locations as War Bus Commando! Twice the confusing, bland, and poorly staged intrigue! And much more than two times as many scenes of Battlestar Galatica legend Richard Hatch over-emoting to the point of unintentional parody!

Continue reading “Delta Force Commando II: Priority Red One (1990)” →