Author: monsterhunter

Hercules vs. the Hydra (1960)

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In a move that defies any logic (ancient or otherwise) all of the muscle-headed adventure begins because some moron thought it would be a good idea to invade Hercules’ kingdom while he’s out of town and kill his wife. I wasn’t ever too sure what Licos was trying to do by killing Mrs. Hercules, but once he did it, he then doublecrossed his own king and killed him,too!

The thinking here was that Hercules (Mickey Hargitay from Bloody Pit Of Horror) would believe that the king killed his wife, but since the king was dead, there would be no vengeance to take. The people back home would just be told that the king fell honorably in battle and then Licos would be in charge. Well, except for Deianira the daughter of the king, who just became queen and is already betrothed to another guy!

Licos is nonplussed by all this and hatches another diabolically dumb scheme wherein he’ll frame Hercules for the murder of the new queen’s fiancee and then move in on the queen himself. The problem I see with this is that Hercules isn’t the kind of guy who’s going to sit still for some murder trial. Continue reading “Hercules vs. the Hydra (1960)” →

The Masque of the Red Death (1964)

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Among the Roger Corman adaptations of Edgar Allan Poe’s various works, The Masque Of The Red Death stands out as one of the best, featuring superior production values (they flew over to England for a tax break and apparently ended up re-using the sets from Beckett), an appropriately vile performance by Vincent Price as Prince Prospero, and a story that was more than the standard old dark house with degenerate families story that seemed to permeate these productions like the stench of a corpse moldering in a secret chamber somewhere in the living room walls. It didn’t hurt this movie any either when this midget burned alive a guy in a gorilla suit. Continue reading “The Masque of the Red Death (1964)” →

The Premature Burial (1962)

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PrematureBurialPosterWay back in the 1800s, man’s greatest fear was being buried alive. Medical science wasn’t as evolved as it is today, so the ignorant masses were afraid that when they took an afternoon siesta after a particularly large tankard of ale and gruel, their overeager relatives would see this as a chance to get their mitts on all their worldly possessions (lice-infested cloak, rusty shovel, and empty tankard – stuff like that no doubt), proclaim the unfortunate chap dead and have the little bugger all buried just before he wakes up wondering why the devil his mouth is full of dirt and maggots are trying to move in on his soft parts. Continue reading “The Premature Burial (1962)” →

Mission Stardust (1967)

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Mission Stardust is an out of this world space race of bad plotting, deliriously inept special effects, and characters who seem intent on proving to one another which one of them is the stupidest. That interstellar stud Perry Rhodan ended up getting a nice dose of space booty at the end of the film while evil kingpin Arkin found himself chucked out an airlock merely proves that in life, it’s only results that matter. Continue reading “Mission Stardust (1967)” →

Only Angels Have Wings (1939)

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Cary Grant plays Geoff “Pop” Carter and if you find yourself trying to stifle a giggle when you first see him and he’s decked out like some sort of jungle Indiana Jones with his wide brimmed hat, safari clothes, and six shooter strapped to his hip, don’t worry. It isn’t long before he slaps on his flying leathers and starts looking like the hard driving, risk taking, mail jockey whose hair is just as oiled up as the propeller on old #4 he truly is. Continue reading “Only Angels Have Wings (1939)” →

Blood Suckers (1970)

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Instantly boring, this British production (originally titled Incense for the Damned) about a guy who goes to Greece because he’s impotent and ends up getting turned into a vampire by a sexy woman also manages to be insanely stupid. While I’m sure this movie had great appeal for all those British dudes without any motion in their ocean, for us American guys with plenty of rise in our Levis, the whole thing seemed a bit silly! Continue reading “Blood Suckers (1970)” →