The Germans get some measure of revenge on us for their thrashing in a couple of world wars by unleashing this most typical non-epic about vampires on an unsuspecting public. Much like any cheap Italian horror movie of the period, it’s characterized by stark black and white photography, spooky castles, and good looking babes who turn vampire on you. And much like those movies, Cave of the Living Dead is mostly marked by its omnipresent boredom. Continue reading
Universal fires up its most popular monsters once more in this, the last of the “serious” horror movies featuring the Frankenstein Monster, the Wolf Man, and Dracula. The results are about what you would expect: serviceable monster hijinks that don’t make any sense, but isn’t terribly difficult to sit through. Continue reading
In this penultimate Universal Frankenstein movie, the studio adopts the kitchen sink approach, throwing the Frankenstein Monster, the Wolf Man, and Count Dracula into one titanic adventure. Just for good measure you also get a mad scientist and his hunchback assistant. The result is probably a lot better than it had any right to be, mainly because of the able scenery-chewing done by Boris Karloff as Gustav Niemann, the scientist bent on recreating Frankenstein’s most infamous experiment. If you’re wondering how all these monsters are able to share screen time, the simple answer is that they don’t. Continue reading
Instantly boring, this British production (originally titled Incense for the Damned) about a guy who goes to Greece because he’s impotent and ends up getting turned into a vampire by a sexy woman also manages to be insanely stupid. While I’m sure this movie had great appeal for all those British dudes without any motion in their ocean, for us American guys with plenty of rise in our Levis, the whole thing seemed a bit silly! Continue reading
Nancy Perkins is your standard teenage hothead with the expected stepmother issues, giving her much put upon father a bunch of lip just because he’s moved on with his life after the death of her mother. And despite it being six long weeks since they planted Mom’s dead ass in the ground! Good gravy, Nancy! Do you expect your old man to be a monk the rest of his life? Continue reading
The Twins Effect (titled Vampire Effect for its US DVD release) had nineteen minutes deleted from it and some scenes shuffled around for its American release. I suppose that had I seen the movie in its original form, it might not have smelled about as bad as the sweat-stained coffin lining of the five hundred-year-old undead prince seeking to romance one half of the sensational Cantonese singing duo, Twins. Continue reading
Count Yorga, Vampire wants to bring the vampire into the modern world to see what would happen if some jaded city dwellers encountered a creature they thought only existed in myth. The only problem is that the movie is so small-scale, none of the potentially interesting culture clashes between the old vampire and the happening young kids and their big scary city happen. Continue reading
I’ve never seen any of the Blade movies. It’s a toss up as to which I’m less interested in – vampires or Wesley Snipes.
These vampires are always swishing their romance novel cover long hair around, resplendent in their European finery and prone to mucking about with goblets and come hither looks any normal woman would laugh off.
There’s also usually talk about vampire families that date back hundreds of years and how powerful they all are. If they’re really so powerful, why are they generally unknown to the world at large and getting killed by vampire hunters who couldn’t possibly have all the resources that these supposedly old, well-connected families have had centuries to build up? Continue reading
This is a well aged slice of 1960s Italian sci-fi cheese from Mario Bava (Hercules In The Haunted World, Baron Blood) that tells the horrifying tale of some astronauts who get in a whole heap of trouble on the mysterious planet of Aura.
Two spaceships, the Galliot and the Argus use their space TVs to contact one another regarding their mission. There has been a radio signal emanating from Aura. This means either one of two things – that there is intelligent life there or more probably, that there is intelligent life there that is laying a dastardly and nefarious trap to enslave the human race! Continue reading
Scientist Robert Morgan (Vincent Price) is the last man on Earth! Does he spend his days going on kick ass shopping sprees, cruising the wastleand in a tricked out battle van and rescuing the only fertile woman left on the planet who just happened to be a lingerie model before things fell apart?
Uh, no, he’s puttering about his house sharpening wooden stakes, loading the door up with fresh garlic, and playing with his shortwave radio. Most embarassing of all, he drives a station wagon. Remember when you thought Armageddon would be super awesome? Sheesh. What a let down! Continue reading