When we last left headband-clad biker tough Trash at the end of 1990: The Bronx Warriors, he was wandering the wreckage of his beloved Bronx after firing a grappling hook into Vic Morrow and briefly lamenting the death of the girl who had first caused him to rip off the plot of Escape From New York. Continue reading “Escape from the Bronx (1983)”
Author: monsterhunter
1990: The Bronx Warriors (1982)
The year is 1990 and the Bronx has been declared a “No Man’s Land” where the only law is the law that the various gangs can enforce on their own. I wasn’t too sure why the people in charge just threw up their hands and said “we give up” on the Bronx, but I’m guessing that maybe if you lived there in 1982 when this movie was made, you would understand.
The action in this movie stems from the fact that Ann is about to turn of age and inherit her interest in the Manhattan Corporation, the world’s largest arms dealer. She doesn’t want to be someone’s puppet in business matters, so she does what any smart business person would do in such a situation and flees to the no man’s land that is the Bronx. Continue reading “1990: The Bronx Warriors (1982)”
Delirium (1987)
This stalk and slash flick stars a woman that some genius dubbed the “Dolly Parton of Italy.” Having seen some of Straight Talk, I can assure each and every one of you that the woman in this movie (Serena Grandi) is just like an Italian Dolly Parton because she can’t act either. Continue reading “Delirium (1987)”
Blood Freak (1972)
Any ambivalence that I had for watching a movie about a killer turkey disappeared as soon as I laid eyes on our hero, a biker by the name of Herschell. The only thing I have to say is why in the hell didn’t anyone tell me this movie starred Elvis? Continue reading “Blood Freak (1972)”
Bloodmoon (1997)
This movie reaffirmed my faith in our kickboxing lord and savior, Gary Daniels. So much of Gary’s teachings involve showing us that if we bear the crosses he gives us (stupid plots, poorly executed scenes of guys flying through the air on wires, hideously untalented and unappealing co-stars), our reward will not be the eternal damnation that lesser action stars (Van Damme, Don “The Dragon” Wilson, and the Great Satan himself, Steven Seagal) routinely deliver like a cold, soggy pizza the driver spit, shat, and pissed on, but an everlasting peace brought about by his love of kicking and punching scumbag killers! Continue reading “Bloodmoon (1997)”
Teen-Age Strangler (1964)
Someone is stalking the distinctly inbred-looking ladies of Huntington, West Virginia leaving them laying in a heap, choked out with a stocking, and a big red “X” tattooed on their forehead with lipstick. What demented freak could possibly be behind this mildly interesting crime spree? Continue reading “Teen-Age Strangler (1964)”
This Is Not a Test (1962)
Deputy Sheriff Dan Colter is in charge of making sure that the people who are driving on a remote stretch of mountain road at four in the morning are stopped at his little roadblock and protected from an atomic attack. Shockingly, this is the least idiotic part of the civil defense plan he implements! Continue reading “This Is Not a Test (1962)”