Category: 1960s

The 3 Worlds of Gulliver (1960)

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Gulliver is a simple doctor who just wants to help people (and make a lot money, too!), but all his patients pay him in chickens and cabbages. Obviously, he wouldn’t be complaining so much if they were paying him in sexual favors or stock tips or something, but you know what cabbage does to the innards, so this isn’t exactly a job that is going to keep the missus happy.

In fact, his woman, Elizabeth, wants to buy a broken down cottage in the bad part of town, but once Gulliver is there, he manages to bust up the door and she falls down on her face. Gulliver determines that there is no way he’s going to have his old lady live in a rat trap like that, so he does what any self respecting male with a ball and chain would do in that situation. He signs up for a sea voyage of fun and frivolity to the East Indies! Continue reading “The 3 Worlds of Gulliver (1960)” →

Mr. Hobbs Takes a Vacation (1962)

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Jimmy Stewart stars as the befuddled old coot trying to cope with his crazy family for a month on the Pacific coast. This mostly unfunny comedy mines all the expected areas of the whole “can’t stand my family, but I love them anyway” school of film with results that are generally less than tepid. Jimmy’s character, Roger Hobbs, endures his children’s various problems while coping with the run down house they’re staying at, but manages to solve all their marital, employment, and self esteem issues with remarkable ease by the time he has to pack everyone back up to St. Louis.

Mrs. Hobbs has secured the use of a house out on the west coast and everyone is coming along whether they like it or not. The Hobbs family still has two ungrateful and moody brats living at home with them. There’s the girl who is very self-conscious of her new braces. We’ll call her Metal Mouth. Then there’s the boy who is addicted to TV. We’ll call him America’s Youth. Also joining them once they get out to the coast are two grown daughters and their families. Continue reading “Mr. Hobbs Takes a Vacation (1962)” →

Moon Pilot (1962)

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Did you know that the United States manned space program began at a diner party when a chimpanzee stabbed an Air Force captain in the ass with a fork? I always had my suspicions, but the important thing to remember about this bizarre event is that it is the last interesting thing that happens in Moon Pilot and it comes about fifteen minutes into what feels like a mission-to-Mars-length 98 minute running time.

This is a relatively early live action film from the Walt Disney Company and it’s notable for how little drama – real, imagined, or even forced, it contains. I’m still not sure how it managed to accomplish this since the movie involved a chimp, a reluctant astronaut (Tom Tryon), a sexy alien chick, and a gruff Brian Keith. Continue reading “Moon Pilot (1962)” →

Nightmare Castle (1965)

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Dr. Arrowsmith is one of those mad scientists who is always running off to some convention or other, leaving his sexy wife at home with the hunky handyman. I’m pretty sure his wife held out as long as possible before having an affair with this dude (just until after she heard the carriage take off, I’d wager), but a sexy gal has needs that a scientist obsessed with inventing a rejuvenation formula for his girlfriend is too busy to satiate!

Dr. Arrowsmith is halfway to the Mad Scientist Convention when he realizes that he left his paper, “On the Benefits of a Young Virgin’s Blood For Rejuvenating Beauty-Impaired Hags,” in his greenhouse. He gets an eyeful when he runs into his wife and the gardener and he can’t tell where she ends and he begins. Continue reading “Nightmare Castle (1965)” →

Ulysses Against the Son of Hercules (1962)

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Ulysses Against the Son of Hercules PosterThis movie was kind of like Midnight Run, only, you know, not as good. In this Italian strongman epic, Pericles is charged with bringing in Ulysses because Ulysses offended the gods by poking out the eye of some cyclops that just happened to be the son of Neptune. (Who knew, right?)

Pericles immediately gets to work on his mission and the next thing we know he’s on a Phoenician pirate ship ramming Ulysses’ boat and taking him captive. I won’t lie to you. When I first I got a look at Ulysses, I was kind of put off by his short blonde hair, his old wore out look and his generally skeevy nature. Continue reading “Ulysses Against the Son of Hercules (1962)” →

The Carpetbaggers (1964)

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This movie confirmed to me what I always suspected. Namely, that I have really bad taste. How else can I explain that despite the fact that this film was two hours and twenty minutes of silly soap opera trash, I had little problem sitting through all of it?

Jonas Cord, Jr. (George Peppard) has serious daddy issues. Dad has called Junior on the carpet for another one of Junior’s flings with the ladies. After attempting to castigate his son with a bunch of jive about real men having brains in their heads, not in their pants, Junior fires back about his dad being an impotent old man and that it was good that Junior does what he does so that his dad’s wife won’t think all the Cord men are losers!

Though I’m a big fan of such scenes, I was also a bit worried that this would be one of those movies where Junior would be having run ins with dad every half hour or so, thus slowing down Junior’s ruthless business ways and his callow treatment of the money-grubbing skanks he was sure to bed down and throw out like yesterday’s Wall Street Journal.

But Harold Robbins didn’t proclaim himself the “world’s best writer” and sell three quarters of a billion books, by getting bogged down in stuffy father-son arguments. So, right after that the old man croaks right there in the office! Continue reading “The Carpetbaggers (1964)” →

The Notorious Daughter of Fanny Hill (1966)

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The Notorious Daughter Of Fanny Hill is a film where all hope is lost once the movie begins, any chance for a bawdy good time evaporating as a parade of amateur porn-star wannabes introduce themselves and their characters while minimalist harpsichord music churns repetitively in the background leaving you longing for your favorite porn guitar riffs.

The concept of this film is that Fanny’s daughter Kissy wakes up, gets dressed and then her manservant periodically announces her gentlemen callers.

The first is the Duke of Roxbury. The Duke makes out with her a little bit and then Kissy breaks out the free buffet. Is this a whorehouse or a casino? They spend many long minutes with the Duke chowing down as much food as his spastic colon can hold, all the while Kissy plays footsie with him under the table. Continue reading “The Notorious Daughter of Fanny Hill (1966)” →