The Notorious Daughter Of Fanny Hill is a film where all hope is lost once the movie begins, any chance for a bawdy good time evaporating as a parade of amateur porn-star wannabes introduce themselves and their characters while minimalist harpsichord music churns repetitively in the background leaving you longing for your favorite porn guitar riffs.
The concept of this film is that Fanny’s daughter Kissy wakes up, gets dressed and then her manservant periodically announces her gentlemen callers.
The first is the Duke of Roxbury. The Duke makes out with her a little bit and then Kissy breaks out the free buffet. Is this a whorehouse or a casino? They spend many long minutes with the Duke chowing down as much food as his spastic colon can hold, all the while Kissy plays footsie with him under the table.
Finally, he’s done and instead of undoing the top of his pants, asking to have his finger pulled, and then napping the rest of the afternoon as most elderly guys do after a heavy meal, he rolls into bed with her and begins the first of the memorably bad love scenes.
The next man up is the Count de Sade. He’s a big, fat sweaty dude. (You could see several characters breaking a sweat in this film – these out of shape losers need to tone up and work on their cardio if they’re going to be in a movie that requires them to wear powdered wigs and breeches.)
The Count likes Kissy to slap him and she does that sort of half-heartedly, then she goes to the trunk of toys and the next thing you know she’s putting on cowboy boots and breaking out the whip.
Then the Count’s shirt gets pulled up. It’s interesting how the cameraman managed to pick the least flattering angle to shoot this fat guy because we get to see his gut protruding on the floor. Kissy also kind of walks on him and the viewer was left concerned for her safety, lest she disappear between his rolls.
After this, the Count tells her he has a new game called “hide the ruby” or something. This involved him throwing gumdrops into her belly button and then eating them.
Following each session, Kissy writes in her journal about the experience. These are usually about a single ten word sentence that say something like, “There are men and then there are men.”
This gave the film a Doogie Howser quality allowing the viewer to gain insight into the lessons that Kissy had learned from each whoring episode. Of course those lessons were limited to stuff like “There are stupid, boring movies and there are Kissy Hill movies.”
Next up is the team competition. Kissy’s friends show up and they all decide to play these little sex games that are remarkable only in their lack of imagination. The lead guy starts the first game by having the girls sniff something and the first one to sneeze does a little striptease for them.
All of their games involve someone doing a striptease. This is awful because you get a succession of gals fumbling around with their costumes, unable to undo them, but allowing the film to be padded out to a toxic 72 minutes.
After a hard day of humping everything on hind legs, Kissy retires for a well deserved (and medically necessary) bubble bath. A woman appears and tells the manservant that Kissy and her are old friends and that she’ll just show herself in to the bathtub thus leading to the film’s unexpected ending.
Not more explicit than most of your modern soap operas, The Notorious Daughter Of Fanny Hill has so little professionalism, character or style that absolutely no one will enjoy it. The DVD from Something Weird does have a bunch of extras. The most chilling of them are trailers for movies with titles like Fanny Hill Meets Dr. Erotico, Fanny Hill Meets Lady Chatterly, and Fanny Hill Meets The Red Baron! How bad must those movies be if The Notorious Daughter of Fanny Hill was the first to be released on DVD? The mind simply goes limp, like a fat guy out of gumdrops.
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