He gave us the greatest post-apocalyptic-giant-ratmen-battles-biker movie ever made (Rats: Night Of Terror), the epic crossdresser-battles-zombie movie (Hell Of The Living Dead) and now Bruno Mattei sentences us to one of the all-time scuzziest women-in-prison movies ever! Continue reading “Violence in a Women’s Prison (1982)”
Category: 1980s
Mystère (1983)
Presumably the French high-priced call girl Mystère is supposed to be a super sexy broad what with her heavily made up face and flawless features. Why else is everyone prepared to pay her something along the lines of $1000 to sleep with her? Personally, I found her just a bit on the nasty side of super skeevy since she turned three freaking tricks in a single night! Later on when she’s trying to escape a would-be killer, I was just thankful that she could still walk, let alone scurrying around her roof in an effort to fend him off! Continue reading “Mystère (1983)”
The Beyond (1981)
Everything starts innocently enough when a mob of angry townspeople in the Louisiana bayous way back in 1927 invade The Seven Doors Hotel and brutalize a painter staying in Room 36. There is also a book involved with the title “Eiobon” which is one of those books that some off screen voice always reads from promising gloom and doom for dopes foolish enough to buy the old Seven Doors Hotel.
To the beginning bed and breakfast owner, it sounds a bit like a money pit. The unscrupulous real estate agent in me though is already trying to figure out how to work “every room comes equipped with a luxurious gateway hell and HBO” into the inevitable listing once the new owners get trapped in the zombie-infested basement! Continue reading “The Beyond (1981)”
The Ark of the Sun God (1984)
Proving once again that old saw that anything Hollywood can do successfully, the Italians can do cheaper and with Antonio Margheriti, The Ark Of The Sun God starring David Warbeck is Rome’s low-budget rip of Raiders Of The Lost Ark. However, what The Ark Of The Sun God lacks in originality and funding, it makes up with in Trans-Am chases. Continue reading “The Ark of the Sun God (1984)”
The Black Cat (1981)
This is a slasher movie from Lucio Fulci (The House by the Cemetery) with a black cat playing the part of the slasher. It actually doesn’t really make as much sense as all that, but none of the rest of the parts in the movie ever seemed to add up to anything beyond their apparent disconnectedness, so that’s what I managed to boil things down to. Continue reading “The Black Cat (1981)”
Warbus (1986)
Fernando Baldi, who spearheaded Italy’s efforts in the early 1980s revival of 3-D movies with Comin’ At Ya! and Treasure Of The Four Crowns, followed those films by taking up the flag for the “school bus goes to war” genre and he proves himself as more than capable of bringing out the drama that’s inherent in a tale of grizzled marines driving a bright yellow school bus through an enemy-infested Vietnam.
While inevitably inviting comparisons to other school bus war movies such as Pierluigi Ciriaci’s War Bus Commando, Warbus takes a more realistic approach to driving a school bus in the middle of a warzone and ratchets up the suspense by giving each character a tortured backstory. Continue reading “Warbus (1986)”
War Bus Commando (1989)
This time all our school buses loaded with the Shah of Iran’s stolen gold come home!
Genial special forces operative and all around killing machine Johnny Hondo has only been back home at his Montana ranch for a month following a daytime rescue mission (during which he was inexplicably dressed in black) in Soviet-occupied Afghanistan when his country comes calling again!
General Ross tells Johnny that his father, General Hondo, is dying in Washington! A deathbed conversation is quickly arranged for the Hondos and the General sends his son on one final explosive suicide mission!
General Hondo makes it clear that there is no chance for Johnny to succeed, but that he needs to do it to restore his old man’s military honor! Continue reading “War Bus Commando (1989)”