The Ghosts of Buxley Hall (1980)

Remember that movie called Taps? It starred Tom Cruise and Sean Penn and featured a bunch of fascist brats taking over their military school to protest its closure. Me neither. But if you did remember it, your reaction most likely would have been, “if they really wanted to do it right, they’d replace Timothy Hutton with a bunch of ghosts.”

Just think about it – ghosts haunting a military academy who use all their supernatural powers to thwart the evil forces trying to shut down America’s last bastion of freedom-loving, patriotic ass kickers in training. What could be a more noble calling for the spirits of fallen soldiers? Why, all those short haired, pants-wearing women teacher union types, who would inevitably oppose such an institution, wouldn’t stand a chance! Continue reading “The Ghosts of Buxley Hall (1980)”

No Retreat, No Surrender (1986)

Mental illness can have a devastating impact on a person’s life. Relationships with family and loved ones are jeopardized. The ability to hold a job can become difficult to near impossible. And in extreme cases it can even lead to self-harm. But there is a bright side to being crazy as a shithouse rat – you may just be crazy enough to train your kung fu skills to an elite level such that an impromptu match against a young Jean-Claude Van Damme leads to you using all your psychotic strength to kick his ass entirely out of the boxing ring! Continue reading “No Retreat, No Surrender (1986)”

Platoon Leader (1988)

Platoon Leader PosterYou might not expect that a Michael Dudikoff movie about him in charge of some grunts in Vietnam would be very realistic. It would be easy to believe that the Dude would at some point don his American Ninja gear and start kickfighting up the Ho Chi Minh trail all the way to North Vietnam until he kicked ol’ Ho Chi himself right in the nads!

But this isn’t really a Michael Dudikoff movie that happens to take place in Vietnam so much as a Vietnam movie that happens to have the Dude in the lead role. Gaudy ninja costumes are traded in for sweaty, dirty fatigues and evil overlords with armies of well trained martial artist henchmen are replaced by the faceless enemy who seems to pour out of the jungle without notice and without mercy. The Dude himself is no infallible superman here. He even gets his ass blown up twice! Continue reading “Platoon Leader (1988)”

River of Death (1989)

Michael Dudikoff in a Indiana Jones-inspired adventure battling Nazis and in search of a lost city in the Amazon! How can that movie possibly be anything other than jungle action movie nirvana?

Well, for starters, the movie turns out to be Michael Dudikoff in a Indiana Jones-inspired adventure battling Nazis and in search of a lost city in the Amazon! Yeah, the second time you read it, reality starts to sink in. Just wait though if you make the mistake of actually watching it! Continue reading “River of Death (1989)”