Generally speaking, a movie containing not one, but two scenes of urination would not receive a good review from this viewer. Some things are best left to the imagination. This film though somehow manages to make it work. Continue reading “A Chinese Ghost Story (1997)”
Category: 1990s
Cold Harvest (1999)
In a world where a comet has struck the Earth, the sun has been blotted out plunging the survivors into perpetual darkness! And if that wasn’t bad enough, a plague has also wiped out most everyone plunging the survivors into a state of near-barbarism! And if even that wasn’t bad enough, this nightmare world of multiple apocalyptic disasters has suffered the most sphincter-puckering development of all: Gary Daniels as twins! Continue reading “Cold Harvest (1999)”
The Capitol Conspiracy (1999)
A psychically super-powered Don “The Dragon” Wilson uses all his clairvoyant abilities to erase my whole memory of this movie!
Seriously, I would be watching this movie, mentally noting all the great things that were happening when all of a sudden, BAM! I couldn’t remember them anymore! It was almost as if the awesome things that must have occurred in The Capitol Conspiracy (also known as The Prophet) never happened at all! Continue reading “The Capitol Conspiracy (1999)”
Split Second (1992)
The only Rutger Hauer movie to ever win the Nobel Peace Prize, Split Second serves as a wake up call to a sleepy and apparently really dirty Earth that we must change our ways! Rutger gives all the evidence the once over and shows us that global warming is no myth and the consequences are positively dire!
I know there’s been a lot of talk about climate change from whiny Third World countries and fat has-been liberal politicians who fly on private jets and own three mansions while telling me to use one square of toilet paper to do my business, but where the hell were they back in 1992 when Split Second and Rutger were all over the issue? Continue reading “Split Second (1992)”
Ebola Syndrome (1996)
Anthony Wong stars in this movie that is what Dustin Hoffman’s movie Outbreak should have been: a story about a raping and murdering dude who infects a bunch of people with Ebola by tricking them into eating hamburgers made out of human meat. It really isn’t as funny as it probably sounds which is a bit surprising what with all the rapes, murders, cannibalism, and the on-camera slaughter of frogs and chickens. Continue reading “Ebola Syndrome (1996)”
The Program (1993)
Just how awful is The Program? Well, I don’t think I have ever witnessed a larger collection of less likable characters involved in more pointless stupidity while somehow managing to reduce the most exciting activity in the universe (college football) to a tedious list of schools, scores, and poorly filmed “big plays.” (If this movie didn’t invent the helmet-point-of-view shot, then it at least consigned it to the scrap heap of imbecilic movie techniques along side most of William Castle’s lame gimmicks like Emergo and Percepto.) Continue reading “The Program (1993)”
Virus (1996)
Brian “The Boz” Bosworth plays a former college football star turned Secret Service agent who gets infected with a lethal biowarfare germ and has to outwit the evil chemical company whose hitmen are after him! To make matters worse, rogue elements of the United States government are in on it and want everything covered up! But that’s not the most terrible part of it all! Continue reading “Virus (1996)”