Category: Action

Black Dawn (2005)

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Jonathan Cold is back! Presumed dead after his last deadly mission, Cold proves that when you’re the best in the business, and your business is doing dirty deeds for the Company, staying dead is sometimes even harder than saving the world!

I must confess that when I heard Cold was back in the game, two thoughts raced through my mind. The first one was that I couldn’t wait to see Cold use his unique talents to bust open whatever international terrorist scheme some third world dirtbag was attempting to unleash. The second thought I had was, “who the hell is Jonathan Cold?” Continue reading “Black Dawn (2005)” →

Jiboa (1989)

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Jiboa proves something I’ve always long suspected, namely that the Amazon jungle is more heavily populated than the island of Manhattan! If it isn’t a tribe of friendly native Indios walking around topless in their red thongs, it’s the cocaine kingpin living in his compound right down the street who lives just over the mountains from the hidden tribe that zealously guards its secret city of emeralds. Then you’ve got the archeologist Mark Frazier and his crew careening through the reeds while traitorous partners try to kill them periodically. By the time it was all over with, I wouldn’t have been surprised if Mark and his new girlfriend wanted to fly to L.A. so they could just get away from all the hustle and bustle! Continue reading “Jiboa (1989)” →

Deadly Outbreak (1995)

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I can’t tell you how many times I’ve been stopped on the street by total strangers and told “Deadly Outbreak is just Die Hard in a chemical plant.” I suppose they’re just trying to be cute, but I’ve never been one to maintain a polite silence in social situations so I always fire back with both barrels. “Die Hard is just Deadly Outbreak in a skyscraper,” I respond and then bring it all home by adding, “but without Jeff Speakman!” Then I go all Kenpo over their ass just like Jeff would do! Continue reading “Deadly Outbreak (1995)” →

The Giant of Metropolis (1961)

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The Giant of Metropolis features Gordon Mitchell and if he looks a little rough around the edges, it might be because he began making this movie a mere two days after he wrapped Maciste In The Land Of The Cyclops. But it probably has something more to do with the fact that he was thirty-eight years old!

Is there anything that makes you squirm more than having to see some guy’s dad running around sucking his gigantic chest in and flashing his old man guns at you every five seconds? All of this may explain why there are some scenes where he has to walk around on rocky ground and looks like he’s stumbling and about ready to fall over. Continue reading “The Giant of Metropolis (1961)” →

The Silencer (2000)

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The Silencer DVD CoverIt was when Michael Dudikoff‘s hitman with a heart of gold character broke out the model buildings and trees, announced it was Dealey Plaza and started droning on about the difference between a meat shot and a head shot, that I knew we were in the presence of probably the greatest assassin teacher in the world.

By the time he got done handing out the binder to his apprentice detailing all the ways to kill someone, the on the job training that saw him using paintballs to try and teach the undercover FBI agent to be a decent sniper and the two rules he lived by (target should never suffer, don’t kill innocent bystanders), I felt like I was ready to go out and start whacking marks myself. Continue reading “The Silencer (2000)” →

Destroy All Monsters (1968)

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I know what you’re thinking. “Oh, it’s the old “alien invaders taking over monsters” gimmick again. Yes, we’ve seen it before in this very film series and it always seems to be a bit strained in the logic department. If these aliens were such smarty-pants nerds, couldn’t they figure out a way to take over our world without having to rely on big, smelly, dumb monsters? You would also think that word would get out in the far reaches of space that earth is more trouble than it’s worth, but most aliens are slow learners, I guess. Continue reading “Destroy All Monsters (1968)” →