Category: Action

Star Hunter (1996)

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Star Hunter DVD CoverIn all the cosmos there exists a being who lives only to hunt! A being that craves the bloodlust of going after the roughest and toughest game available in the known universe! It is the master of every weapon ever invented! It has knowledge of all the tactics of the greatest strategists of all time! It is supported by all the latest technology and has the ability to regenerate itself if it is ever injured during one of its interstellar safaris! And it has just broken out of the prison planet it was locked up in! And is headed straight to Earth! For the ultimate battle! Against some second string high school football players, a couple of cheerleaders and a lady school bus driver!

Far from being the stinky space junk you would normally expect from producer Roger Corman (see Dead Space, Star Quest, and Starquest II), Star Hunter teaches kids important life lessons that are usually missing from these 1990s straight to video efforts. Continue reading “Star Hunter (1996)” →

Taur the Mighty (1963)

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Taur the Mighty Italian PosterThe Italian sword and sandal flicks of the early 1960s got in a lot of reps and built up an impressive quantity of work. It doesn’t take a student of the genre to determine that this quantity didn’t exactly translate into quality of any degree. For the most part, the majority of them were interchangeable variations of some bodybuilder posing and rumbling around rickety sets, busting up extras, poorly costumed monsters, and engaging in laughable feats of strength. In short, these films were terrible. But even so, there was one thing you could say in their favor. At least they weren’t Taurible!

For starters, Taur can’t even get his own name right! The VHS cover refers to him as Tor, the onscreen title of the film calls him Taur, but everyone in the movie including himself, says he is Thor!

Even with that identity crisis though, at least he didn’t have to suffer the indignity of Harry Baird’s character, Ubaratutu! As silly as Ubaratutu is as a name, it was the least offensive part of the character! Continue reading “Taur the Mighty (1963)” →

Air Marshal (2003)

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Brett Prescott has great hair, gleaming white teeth, and a pregnant wife back in the United States. In short, he’s the best of all that’s really rad about America.

He’s also ex-special forces and currently an air marshal charged with making sure the friendly skies stay that way. Unless, you’re an Islamofacist looking to make a name for yourself by terrorizing the passengers of an air plane. Then Brett Prescott goes to work making sure that little things like getting whacked in the back with an ax don’t slow him down from doing stuff like avoiding missiles and cruise ships at the last possible instant. Continue reading “Air Marshal (2003)” →

Gentlemen of the Night (1964)

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Pino Mercanti’s Gentlemen of the Night takes all that you love about the Renaissance-era talkathons (guys in hose, chicks in low cut dresses) and livens it up with dudes in masks and hoods who have secret society meetings to discuss setting up another secret society.

In their defense, the bad guys are doing all this discussing and planning to counter the threat posed by bored nobles who are discussing and planning a revolution to free the Republic of Venice from the goofy-looking, sour-faced simp in charge! Continue reading “Gentlemen of the Night (1964)” →

Five Weeks in a Balloon (1962)

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When I first heard about the concept of spending five whole frigging weeks in one balloon, I thought it had a high potential for turning quite tedious after the initial rush of being able to drop coins and spit on people on the ground inevitably wore off early the first afternoon you were airborne.

Of course all that potential was fulfilled (and then some) once those five weeks in a balloon proved to include future Branson, Missouri headliner Fabian performing the film’s odious theme song on a concertina during a pitstop at a desert oasis in a sequence that Jules Verne only wished he was imaginative enough to concoct! Continue reading “Five Weeks in a Balloon (1962)” →

Cyborg Cop (1993)

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This is a tale of two brothers. For them, it was the most action-packed of times, it was the most sweat-drenched of times.

One brother got himself doublecrossed on a mission in the Caribbean. Left for dead by the DEA after a mission goes horribly wrong, he falls into the hands of the local evil drug lord/cyborg developer and is fashioned into the most cybernetic cop of all time! Robocop? Whatever! That guy was all robo and stuff! Cyborg Cop is what the cool kids like to have their ass kicked by! Continue reading “Cyborg Cop (1993)” →

Blood Warriors (1993)

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It is a question all of us Blood Warriors ask ourselves – what makes a better fighter: having a haunted past or thirsting for vengeance?

Having a haunted past allows you to keep a healthy distance from the rest of humanity and thereby reduces your chances of having your precious lifeforce drained by horny broads lusting after your world-weary yet toned bod. A haunted guy also is able to endure pain easier because he knows he deserves it for letting whatever is haunting him to have happened in the first place. Continue reading “Blood Warriors (1993)” →