Category: Action

Beyond Forgiveness (1995)

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Combining the worst of a Thomas Ian Griffith movie (the presence of Thomas Ian Griffith) with the best of a really bad Steven Seagal movie (free trip to Poland), Beyond Forgiveness (or the equally generic Blood Of The Innocent title it is also known by) manages to hit some of the elements of lamer action films (the illegal harvesting of human organs storyline), but also gives you a dose of the helicopter-oriented stunts that immediately save any film from its status as “just another annoying Thomas Ian Griffith movie starring the annoying Thomas Ian Griffith.”

Like another crappy Thomas Ian Griffith (TIG) movie (Excessive Force), Beyond Forgiveness has TIG playing a Chicago cop. But with one important difference. In Excessive Force, he was a bad boy cop who had a really bad girl mane of hair. Beyond Forgiveness though shows that he is maturing as an actor since his hair is really short and going grey! Continue reading “Beyond Forgiveness (1995)” →

The Masked Man Against the Pirates (1964)

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Who was that masked man? Supposedly, he was the scourge of the pirates who were attacking Spanish galleons, stealing their gold, killing their men, and selling their sexy broads into slavery back in the 17th Century.

We know he’s totally feared because the slaver trying to buy some women comments about all the stories of Masked Man and his good guy antics. This, despite all the evidence to this point in The Masked Man Against the Pirates having been completely to the contrary. That is unless you consider a dude whacking a guy in the back of the head with a log and stealing a kiss from a captured princess a one man Spanish Armada. Continue reading “The Masked Man Against the Pirates (1964)” →

Ulterior Motives (1993)

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Ulterior Motives PosterIf you’re still smarting over the memories of Thomas Ian Griffith (TIG) as the faux bad ass cop in Excessive Force or the faux bad ass cop in Crackerjack then you will surely be trying to destroy whatever brain cells you somehow have left in an effort to totally forget that he was a faux bad ass private eye in Ulterior Motives.

If you’re going to be an action star, you really need to be doing one thing really well – action. Sounds simple I know. To the uninitiated it might even sound rather limiting for an actor. You know how these actors are always looking for a challenge and don’t want to be typecast. Continue reading “Ulterior Motives (1993)” →

Ninja (2009)

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As soon as I saw there was an orphaned white ninja and a surly Japanese ninja lusting after the same ninja broad, I knew everyone else in the dojo would get sliced into tater tots!

And as soon as I heard that a super duper ninja sword had the power to not only kill your ass dead, but also to revive your dead ass, I was confident that White Ninja’s lady would surely get killed in the end only to be miraculously resurrected by MegaBlade in the waning moments of the film! Continue reading “Ninja (2009)” →

The Black Archer (1959)

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Who was that masked man? Well, it sure as hell wasn’t the Black Archer! Because apparently that dude doesn’t even exist! At no time in Piero Pierotti’s The Black Archer did a costumed vigilante who swiped William Tell’s gimmick ever make an appearance!

Not to worry though because Pierotti didn’t go on to direct such memorably forgotten Italian adventure films as Giant of the Evil Island by hosing its audience out of what was promised in the title despite that there wasn’t any giant in Giant of the Evil Island. So it is that instead of The Black Archer, we get… The Avenging Arrow! Continue reading “The Black Archer (1959)” →

The Magnificent Gladiator (1964)

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The magnificence of the titular gladiator of this film can be boiled down to his most muscular feature. No, not his pleasingly polished pecs, which of course stand out amongst all the wimpy Romans. And not even his Pompeii Pompadour which surely defeated several Roman legions with its impressive height. That which made this particular Hercules worthy of the name was his shredded smile!

It is understandable that in many of these sword and sandal epics from the 1960s that our bronzed babe of beef would probably be lacking in the smiles department. Invariably, the home village was burned, family and/or wife killed or kidnapped, lots of straining to lift, tear up and throw assorted ancient world items, and even some good old fashioned torture really don’t provide much of a “turn that frown upside down” opportunity. Continue reading “The Magnificent Gladiator (1964)” →

Sandokan Against the Leopard of Sarawak (1964)

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Sandokan needs no introduction. The 18th Century pirate was the subject of a number of novels, several films (including a series of four in 1963-64), a TV miniseries, and even two different animated series!

With his faithful (and decidedly white) sidekick Yanez, the Tiger of Malaya as Sandy was known, has proven, like Robin Hood, Tarzan, and Starbuck from the original Battlestar Galactica to be one of the great enduring characters beloved the world over. At least that’s what the Internet tells me. I’ve never heard of the guy. I thought he was Yanez’s sidekick! Continue reading “Sandokan Against the Leopard of Sarawak (1964)” →