When Peyton Place came out, it quickly surpassed The Bible as America’s favorite book. And it was easy to see why. You had your white trash rapes, your repressed blonde hussies slapping their hormonal blonde hussy daughters, your sensitive male who had all the answers, and even World War II! Continue reading “Return to Peyton Place (1961)”
Category: Drama
Peyton Place (1957)
Peyton Place is a laughably silly soaper that dates rather badly with its meager attempts to be risqué by frequently referencing how everyone in town constantly thinks about sex.
For instance, Lana Turner (Cass Timberlane, By Love Possessed) is a pent up cauldron of middle aged lust who just can’t admit that the progressively wimpy new high school principal is all that she needs to unleash her long repressed inner-hellcat. Her lover has been dead for something like sixteen years and she now believes (as she so eloquently put it during a shouting match with Principal Rossi in her kitchen) that men are all about pawing women and only want one thing. She also proclaims that men are “dirty” which is probably true since I thought that scene was pretty freaking hot! Continue reading “Peyton Place (1957)”
I’ll Cry Tomorrow (1955)
So was this movie supposed to give me a drinking problem or something? As I watched Susan Hayward pretending to have a seizure that practically screamed “I liked to thank the Academy and also Lillian Roth for having such a crappy life” I was thinking about how much more entertaining this would all be if I was as wasted as the main character was throughout the film. Continue reading “I’ll Cry Tomorrow (1955)”
The Charge of the Light Brigade (1968)
This has to be my favorite movie about the Crimean War! While the film attempts a half-hearted explanation of the events that take us into the Crimean War through its periodic (and somewhat snarky) animation segments (it was 1968 so you’ve got to expect a little pretentious artiness and social commentary), I didn’t get much more out of it than identifying the countries through the cartoon animals that represented them: Russia was a bear, Britain a lion and Turkey was a turkey wearing a fez. France was of course a chicken. Continue reading “The Charge of the Light Brigade (1968)”
The 12 Dogs of Christmas (2005)
Part of my court-ordered counseling I have to participate in involves me taking ownership of my problems. To that end, I feel compelled to own the fact that my favorite Christmas song is “Winter Wonderland.” There’s just something about getting married by a snowman that speaks to the sentimental fool in me.
And if “Winter Wonderland” is the greatest Christmas song of all time, then “The 12 Days Of Christmas” has to be the worst. In fact, it’s so bad I would even have to rank it below those trailer park Christmas songs like the one where mama was kissing Santa or that other one where grandma was getting run over by a reindeer. White trash sure do have interesting holiday traditions, don’t they? Continue reading “The 12 Dogs of Christmas (2005)”
The Bells of St. Mary’s (1945)
In this sequel to Going My Way Bing Crosby returns in his role as an out of control, play by his own rules, stick it to the man priest, Father O’Malley. O’Malley is the guy the Church sends in when everyone else has failed! He’s their final option! This time, all our souls are saved!
In this tale, O’Malley is appointed interim commissioner of St. Mary’s, a parochial school where things are way sucky. Bing arrives and the housekeeper informs him that the last priest got carted off in an ambulance or something because the nuns ran roughshod all over his candy ass. Continue reading “The Bells of St. Mary’s (1945)”
Jane Eyre (1943)
As she did in Rebecca, Joan Fontaine plays an outsider who moves into a fancy house which harbors a dark secret and even more importantly, a rich stud (Orson Welles) who is haunted by that secret!
Jane Eyre (Fontaine) is one of those waifish orphan girls who suffers from a bad attitude while she’s living with her evil aunt and her prissy cousin. It isn’t long though before the aunt tells Jane that she’s going to get to go away to a special school for girls.
Jane is excited because now she’ll get to learn stuff and be at a school where everyone will love her. This place she’s going is called Lowood and just to show her aunt who has all the stroke now that she’s off to this special school, she unleashes a vitriolic speech on the aunt in the front yard just before she tells the coachman to deliver her to her awesome new school! Continue reading “Jane Eyre (1943)”