Category: Fantasy

Sinbad of the Seven Seas (1989)

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SinbadOfTheSevenSeasCoverThe last of the four movies made by that trinity of trash consisting of Cannon Films, the Italians, and Lou Ferrigno, Sinbad of the Seven Seas allows Lou to flex his acting chops as well as his basketball-sized pecs since there’s a scene where he has to act like he’s seduced by an Amazon.

As he awkwardly lays on her in a clinch, you can almost believe that when Lou’s dubbed voice says “gosh, you’re beautiful” that Lou’s lips also were mouthing the same words! And for just a moment, I firmly believed that Sinbad, Manbeef of the Sassy Seas wasn’t completely repulsed by touching female flesh! Continue reading “Sinbad of the Seven Seas (1989)” →

The Adventures of Hercules II (1985)

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This is pretty much the same movie as the first Cannon Films Hercules movie with Lou Ferrigno. Except that it’s worse. Which means it is better. Such are the paradoxes of an ancient world inhabited by petty gods, improbably pumped up muscle studs, and increasingly awful special effects.

It is also a world that honors its past. And by that I mean that the first seven minutes of this movie were merely clips from the first movie inserted between the various opening credits. But we’re here for sweat-drenched man deeds of glory so it’s all good, right? Continue reading “The Adventures of Hercules II (1985)” →

Hercules (1983)

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Child of the most unholy union of them all, its father being Chuck Norris 1980s action studio Cannon Films, its mother being Italian director Luigi Cozzi, and its costume designer being previously employed on 2019: After The Fall Of New York, Hercules stands as a monument to Italian-American cinema cooperation and proves the old adage that what Cannon Films and Italian trash directors can do horribly on their own, they can do even worse together! Continue reading “Hercules (1983)” →

Journey Beneath the Desert (1961)

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We’ve all admired director Edward G. Ulmer’s ability to make decent little movies like Detour and The Man From Planet X with nothing beyond a camera and a few actors. He had an uncanny ability to elicit an atmosphere and a look with these movies that belie their abbreviated shooting time and their even more abbreviated budget, so I was intrigued to see how his Journey Beneath the Desert would turn out. Could Ulmer finally be the guy to deliver on the promise of all those “lost races under the earth ruled by sexy broads” movies that inevitably disappointed? Continue reading “Journey Beneath the Desert (1961)” →

The Leprechauns’ Christmas Gold (1981)

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Is it really possible for a Christmas special not to be the dumbest in the world when everything happens because a sea captain forgets to pack the ship’s Christmas tree for the long holiday voyage? Or that the captain detours his ship to a small island because he saw a tree he liked and orders the obviously learning disabled cabin boy ashore to dig the thing up? Or that said cabin boy continues to dig up the tree even after he sees that the island is full of leprechauns! Continue reading “The Leprechauns’ Christmas Gold (1981)” →

Mickey’s Once Upon a Christmas (1999)

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The idea of a Walt Disney Christmas movie seems to be a win-win proposition. The legions of Disney zombies out there would gladly eat up a cartoon that featured classic characters such as Donald Duck, Mickey Mouse, Chip and Dale, and Pluto in a Christmas setting. More importantly of course is that for the Walt Disney Company, it would surely be a gold mine for them, guaranteeing sales every Christmas for years to come. Mickey’s Once Upon A Christmas would be the ideal result of such a concept except that it sucks Nestor the Long-Eared Christmas Donkey‘s balls. Continue reading “Mickey’s Once Upon a Christmas (1999)” →