Category: Kids

The Bear Who Slept Through Christmas (1973)

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“Don’t look for it, Taylor. You may not like what you’ll find.” This quote from Planet of the Apes kept going through my mind as I watched Ted E. Bear’s desperate search for Christmas.

In the Apes movie, Dr. Zauis tries to warn Taylor off of seeking to find the answer as to how a planet came to be where apes evolved from men, knowing that the truth will shatter Taylor. The Bear Who Slept Through Christmas fares even worse because Ted’s entire life is destroyed, yet he not only fails to realize it, he willingly embraces it! Continue reading “The Bear Who Slept Through Christmas (1973)” →

Garfield’s Thanksgiving (1989)

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Its bland zone-out-if-you’re-not-hyper-focused ugly-looking animated specials like Garfield’s Thanksgiving that make you long for a Rankin-Bass or Peanuts holiday classic or at the very least, the unhinged antics of the Family Circus. Based on a comic strip of unexplained popularity, it apparently revolves around a surly cat obsessed with food, his brain damaged dog pal and human owner (Jon) who can only be charitably described as a clueless loser. Continue reading “Garfield’s Thanksgiving (1989)” →

Intergalactic Thanksgiving or Please Don’t Eat the Planet (1979)

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Cosmic farmers invade a planet inhabited by a civilization that prizes clowning around above all else! What sort of war of the worlds will occur when the humorless Spademinders spend all their waking hours planting crops while King Goochi desperately clings to power trying (and failing miserably) to freshen up his stand up act? Continue reading “Intergalactic Thanksgiving or Please Don’t Eat the Planet (1979)” →

The Haunted Pumpkin of Sleepy Hollow (2003)

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Much like the Headless Horsemen who headlines Washington Irving’s The Legend of Sleepy Hollow, the venerable 19th Century classic of American literature is once again resurrected for a terrifyingly tepid and kid-friendly version that nevertheless manages to elicits some genuine scares. Chief among these nightmarish moments is the theme song “Sleepy Hollow” which plays during a montage of kids getting a haunted house ready. Its blatant attempt to channel Green Day is quite chilling. Continue reading “The Haunted Pumpkin of Sleepy Hollow (2003)” →

Here Comes Peter Cottontail (1971)

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While the first Rankin/Bass Easter special can easily be hailed as a surrealistic fever dream whose avalanche of eye-popping moments (Peter Cottontail dressed up as turkey, a spider flying in a rocket, a group of caterpillars wearing body paint that resembles the American flag), if they don’t exactly captivate a surely confused audience, at least give you reason to stay awake through the narcoleptic songs that litter Here Comes Peter Cottontail like so many unwelcome rabbit pellets, it is the introduction to constitutional law it gives children that really provides viewing value for do-gooder parents who demand cartoons be educational instead of fun. Continue reading “Here Comes Peter Cottontail (1971)” →

The First Easter Rabbit (1976)

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The story of Easter can’t help but move you to your very soul! The love, the sacrifice, the moment of doubt and ultimately the resurrection that allows the message of hope to be spread to everyone for ever after! And though we inevitably come up wanting in trying to follow his example, his love for us never wanes! So I praise you Stuffy, the first Easter Rabbit! Continue reading “The First Easter Rabbit (1976)” →

My Smurfy Valentine (1982)

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If Valentine’s Day is a stressful exercise in having your failed existence shoved in your face for loser blockheads like Charlie Brown (as was so lovingly depicted in Be My Valentine, Charlie Brown), it’s positively apocalyptic for us beautiful people! This was never illustrated to better effect than in My Smurfy Valentine, which saw Smurfette desperately attempting to come to grips with the nightmarish reality of Valentine’s Day in her strange blue-hued world Continue reading “My Smurfy Valentine (1982)” →