Terror Force Commando (1986)

Ripped from the headlines of 1985 which your local newspaper surely never covered! But that didn’t mean it never happened! Just that no one gave a crap about it! But if you weren’t so wrapped up watching The Goonies and rocking out to “Sussidio” then you might have realized that half a world away, events were transpiring that demanded the armed intervention of none other than Richard Harrison! Of course I’m talking about the Pope’s trip to Cameroon! Continue reading “Terror Force Commando (1986)”

Tough Cops (1988)

Take one part Miami Vice (the part where the movie says it takes place in Miami and where the black guy wears terrible clothes), one part Dirty Harry (Rom Kristoff‘s Nick Carpenter doesn’t care how many times he gets chewed out by his superiors – he’s going to keep shooting bad guys!), a healthy dose of Rambo (right before throwing a knife in a guy’s back, Nam vet Nick mutters “first blood”), marinate it all in a cheap Filipino action movie and you have a tasty batch of Tough Cops! Continue reading “Tough Cops (1988)”

Rescue Team (1983)

Whenever it’s time to assemble yet another team to bring back more of our boys from Vietnam (watching these POW movies can leave one with the impression there are more Americans left in Vietnam than Vietnamese), special attention must be made to signing up the right combination of talents. For instance, you need an explosives or a demolitions expert, but you’re probably wasting a team slot if you take one of each since both are likely proficient at blowing up bamboo huts. (There’s nothing wrong with lots of exploding huts of course, but you don’t want it coming at the expense of guys having their throats slit by the knife expert.) Continue reading “Rescue Team (1983)”

Double Edge (1986)

What if your loser dad was gunned down right in front of you because he was such a loser that he was into a mobster for a bunch of money he couldn’t pay back? And what if he was such an epic loser that his fiscal irresponsibility also caused your sweet dear mother to be riddled with bullets why you stood they’re sniveling and pissing yourself? You’d grow up to be a cop on the edge! Duh! And you’d wear giant mirrored sunglasses all the time, even if you were in the office, outside at night or in your own house! Double duh! And you’d also become a ninja. Triple dog duh! Continue reading “Double Edge (1986)”

Ten Zan – Ultimate Mission (1988)

Ten Zan PosterLet’s say you’re a closed off society. Due to minimal contacts with the outside world, you end up quite backward in most areas. Your economy sucks. Technological advance is stymied. Millions of your people starve because your agricultural efforts can’t feed the populace. Worst of all, your action movie industry is non-existent!

What’s a totalitarian government desiring to show the rest of the world that it’s a force to be reckoned with in the arena of kick ass movies to do? You assemble the greatest array of talent that ration coupons and promises of a week’s worth of work in beautiful North Korea can buy! Continue reading “Ten Zan – Ultimate Mission (1988)”

Just a Damned Soldier (1988)

JustADamnedSoldierPosterWhenever one of us lovers of Italian trash cinema talks up Mark Gregory as an icon of that world, non fans are prone to write it off as just so much irony. He’s got a big perm in his most visible roles, can’t stand, pose, or walk convincingly, has gorgeous pouty lips, and is most famous for appearing as a guy named Trash. It’s like we’re just trying to be funny about how important he is by pointing out how ill-suited he was to acting. And that’s true – something like Adam and Eve is going to be pretty challenging to sit through if you don’t go into it with the right attitude. Continue reading “Just a Damned Soldier (1988)”

Angel in the Dark (1991)

What if you were a cop and your partner got killed? What if your wife was shot in the back? What if your little daughter was pumped full of lead as you watched and screamed? And it all happened at once!

How far you would go for vengeance? Would you tear apart the city until you brought those responsible to justice? Would you break both man and God’s laws to set things right? Or maybe you would crawl into a bottle of cheap hooch, become a dirty disgusting bum and never get revenge! Continue reading “Angel in the Dark (1991)”