Category: Science Fiction

Donovan’s Brain (1953)

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I don’t know where all the flying brains were in this movie. If you’ve got yourself an early 1950s movie about a killer brain, it either ought to fly around or have grown to gargantuan size, preferably both. The only thing the brain in this one does is sit in a bunch of dirty water in a fish aquarium!

Now you can’t just up and order yourself a human brain from Amazon.com or someplace (at least the last time I checked you couldn’t), so just how does Dr. Patrick Cory get his mad scientist hands on one? Continue reading “Donovan’s Brain (1953)” →

The Colossus of New York (1958)

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The Spensser family is one where the father (William) is a brilliant brain surgeon, one son (Henry) is really good with electronics and the other son (Jeremy) is just an all around genius who works on stuff like frost-resistant crops. Since Jeremy is the one who is getting all the headlines for winning the International Peace Prize, his daddy likes him best and that means he will be the one run over by a truck and need his brain transplanted into a giant mechanical creation of his brother’s. Continue reading “The Colossus of New York (1958)” →

Fist of the North Star (1995)

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North Star should never fight Southern Cross! It was a mantra repeated throughout this, the most PUBAR (pumped up beyond all recognition) of all post-apocalyptic Gary Daniels (Heatseeker, Pocket Ninjas) flicks.

Beyond the fact that I didn’t have the faintest idea what anyone was talking about though I guess it sort of made sense that a star shouldn’t fight an entire constellation, every time either Gary or his mentor, the surely embarrassed Malcolm McDowell, earnestly uttered this cryptic bit of philosophy, I became more and more convinced that if North Star ever did throw down with Southern Cross that it would be a punch-apocalyptic mess of kicks, grunts, and broken stuff! Continue reading “Fist of the North Star (1995)” →

Beginning of the End (1957)

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Something strange is going on in the town of Ludlow, Illinois. Namely that it’s been eaten by a swarm of big ass grasshoppers!

It takes a while for everyone to catch on to this fact and it’s only after our nosy reporter Audrey teams up with Peter Graves’ Dr. Wainwright does the mystery of what happened to Ludlow begin to be unraveled.

On her way to cover another story, Audrey happens upon the National Guard’s roadblock preventing people from going to where Ludlow used to be. After compromising her journalistic integrity in two seconds flat by agreeing to not report anything until the government says she can so that she can have access to the site, she tours the ruins of Ludlow. Continue reading “Beginning of the End (1957)” →

Dead Space (1991)

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What sort of movie is only 72 minutes long, but still has time for a slow motion love scene dream sequence? The sort of movie where the slow motion love scene dream sequence features the Beastmaster!

When you’ve got the Beastmaster prowling around a deep space research station, you can bet one of two things is going on: either he’s on the hunt for the most deadliest alien in the universe ever accidentally created by a couple of guys with an incubator or he’s on the make!

Thankfully for us fans of scenes of people running through hallways, anxiously watching computer monitors, and trying to avoid clunky moving space monsters, the sexy stuff is strictly the stuff of dreams in this one! Continue reading “Dead Space (1991)” →

Future Kick (1991)

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In the future, all our kicking will be done by cyborgs who wear large sunglasses! And in that very same terrifying future, only one cyborg will do his kicking for good! That’s almost by default though since we are repeatedly told that he is the last of his kind. Except for the evil cyborg played by Christopher Penn. At least I think Chris was playing an evil cyborg. Maybe he was just bleeding luminous green stuff because of his off-screen personal life.

Don “The Dragon” Wilson plays Future Kick, a cyborg who makes his living bringing in criminals for the reward money. Future Kick also was called Walker, but that was clearly his slave name. Plus, I rather doubt I would have ever bothered with the movie if it had been called Walker Kick. Don has all the credentials to convincingly play Future Kick since he’s the 88 time World Whup Ass Light Heavyweight Champion and is internationally recognized as the only man to make nearly as many Bloodfist movies. Continue reading “Future Kick (1991)” →

Empire of Ash III (1989)

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Empire Of Ash III (or as the clumsily inserted title claimed on the VHS version I saw, Last Of The Warriors) isn’t just your standard post apocalyptic desert wasteland picture. And that’s probably because it takes place in the woods of New Idaho!

If watching nameless goofs dressed in leather and driving beat up cars and battletrucks while shooting each other across rocky terrain is your thing, you needn’t worry though. There’s still plenty of rocks up in New Idaho that need blowing up! The rest of the movie similarly takes vaguely familiar elements of these sorts of movies and goes its own special direction with them.

Take the whole “breeding a new race” angle you get in some of these flicks. There’s always a dirty bird trying to force hot, fertile chicks to get preggers in an effort to begin the world again. You’ll recognize these scenes because these guys are always making grand pronouncements about how some babe has been specially selected to receive his seed. Ugh. Is there a radioactive cactus I can screw instead? Continue reading “Empire of Ash III (1989)” →