I suppose you’ve got to expect a little brain eating activity when you live in a quiet little town like Riverdale, Illinois. Though grossly under-reported by our traitorous liberal media, the War on Terror has been fought in one horse hamlets like Riverdale for decades! Alien invasions, body snatchings, gigantic insects, arachnids, animals, unnatural swarms of same, ghosts, regular old serial killers, cults, periodic appearance by Satan and/or his minions, and biker gangs all routinely take their shots at taking everything good and clean about this country and making it a big steaming heap of evil poop soup! Continue reading “The Brain Eaters (1958)”
Category: Science Fiction
2020 Texas Gladiators (1982)
How did I know the post-apocalypse portrayed in this movie was really, really post-apocalyptic? It wasn’t all the raping or the killing or even the leather-clad freaks on dirt bikes. That sort of stuff happens in every run-of-the-mill Mad Max rip-off scenario.
And all the ugly people fighting it out at cheap locations such as a refinery and rock quarries? That just means you woke up in either a Filipino or Italian-lensed no-budget trashageddon.
What really drove home the point that this was some serious apocalypse happening here? The characters’ names. Continue reading “2020 Texas Gladiators (1982)”
The Angry Red Planet (1959)
One of the great truisms of our universe is that if Mars isn’t invading Earth, then we are invading Mars. Like a couple of feuding neighbors that throw dead birds in the other’s pool and send the Jehovah’s Witnesses to each other’s house, both planets can’t seem to get by without trying to take a space dump on the other one. Continue reading “The Angry Red Planet (1959)”
Journey to the Seventh Planet (1962)
With Journey to the Seventh Planet, we are in the far flung past of 2001 where everything is just peachy now that the United Nations runs the world. So now that this socialist paradise has finally been forced upon us, what do they squander all our precious resources on? A manned mission to explore Uranus!
Studiously avoiding all the rectal humor such a movie inevitably provides (everyone seems to conscientiously pronounce the seventh planet as You-Ron-Us), the idea that we would need to send a spaceship out there to check for life is only slightly less ridiculous than the idea that we would send a crew made up of ugly Scandinavians and an aging John Agar who doesn’t seem to really believe that he got tricked into appearing in this. Continue reading “Journey to the Seventh Planet (1962)”
It! The Terror from Beyond Space (1958)
The year is the far flung future of 1973. It’s a bizarre future where people don’t have muttonchop sideburns, drive AMC Gremlins or say stuff like “you dig.” In fact, this future looks like the black and white world of the late 1950s where taking a trip into space meant smoking Lucky Strikes in the rocket, putting shiny goop in your hair and having the lady astronauts clear the dinner table and serve you coffee. (Is this a rocket ship or a Denny’s?) Continue reading “It! The Terror from Beyond Space (1958)”
War of the Colossal Beast (1958)
It’s the most chilling, diabolical scheme of terror ever conceived by a movie monster! The great food trucks of Mexico are being mercilessly hijacked and their contents eaten! Native youths employed by cunning foreigners are left in a state of shock! Cunning foreigners seeking to take advantage of cheap labor are left with bars and restaurants without chips and salsa! And somewhere in Los Angeles, a woman who refuses to believe her brother died at the end of The Amazing Colossal Man may hold the key to unraveling this tastiest of all mysteries! Continue reading “War of the Colossal Beast (1958)”
Terror from the Year 5000 (1958)
When I first heard that there was a movie called Terror from the Year 5000, my mind went into hyperdrive at the possibilities!
What would this terror from three millennia in the future be like? Would it be some hideous monster bent on sucking our souls out through our nostrils in order to feed its black hole heart? Or maybe some type of overgrown insect cyborg unleashed by a secret cabal of scientists to cleanse the Earth after the Last Great War of 3255?
Heck, it might even be a human so advanced that he’s pure energy, whose only desire is to enslave us to do his dark bidding! In short, this Terror could have been anything and in any event was probably simply beyond my puny 21st century brain to comprehend! Continue reading “Terror from the Year 5000 (1958)”