Category: Sword & Sandal

The Invincible Gladiators (1964)

~ monsterhunter ~ Leave a comment

The ancient world was unquestionably fraught with peril what with rampaging monsters, power-crazed kings, smelly barbarians, and sporadic shortages of bronzer which no doubt caused our humongous heroes no end of trouble and headaches.

Some muscular missions though were tougher than others. For instance, a subterranean kingdom populated by hundreds of leopard men and ruled by an evil sexy queen who enslaved regular guys sure sounds like it has all the makings of a 10.0 magnitude beefquake! And it does! Times two!

It’s understandable if you just juiced your jockstrap because all the stops are pulled out for the 24th of 25 Maciste films produced in the early 1960s! It’s an underground adventure so vast that it will take not one, but two Macistes to handle the deltoid-destroying duties! Continue reading “The Invincible Gladiators (1964)” →

Kerim, Son of the Sheik (1962)

~ monsterhunter ~ Leave a comment

If you love guys riding around the desert on horses with their scimitars in the air, this Italian sword and sandal epic with a Middle Eastern paint job will surely put a minaret in your thwab!

There’s stampedes to maraud and burn an oasis, there’s messengers bringing tragic news from afar, there’s ambushes, counter-ambushes, attacks on a desert palace (as well as a retreat when the dang palace gate gets closed), and most pleasingly of all, riding around for some nice hot dusty vengeance by a pumped up dude decked out in an Arabian ninja costume! Continue reading “Kerim, Son of the Sheik (1962)” →

Cleopatra (1963)

~ monsterhunter ~ Leave a comment

Holy crap, that was long! Such was my reaction after finishing this one about two days after I started it. Lumbering, plodding, crawling, rumbling, stumbling, and finally bumbling into the endzone after an eternity, this movie (and really, that’s probably too charitable a term for something more akin to second job) will sorely test the patience of even the hardiest of historical epic fans. Continue reading “Cleopatra (1963)” →

Demetrius and the Gladiators (1954)

~ monsterhunter ~ Leave a comment

Nine months after Richard Burton was harassed into becoming a Christian by a red beach towel in The Robe, Hollywood decided it was time for a sequel. Since this whole Christian thing worked out so well for Burton and co-star Jean Simmons (you might recall they ended up on the wrong end of the archery field at the end of The Robe), it was left to Victor Mature to run around squawking about this robe and how it can just butt out of his life when things get rough.

Everyone’s favorite character in this movie (well, aside from the robe – it’s kind of hard to be a real Christian and not pick the robe) is Strabo, the tough but lovable guy that runs the gladiator school and played by Ernest Borgnine. Continue reading “Demetrius and the Gladiators (1954)” →

The Seven Magnificent Gladiators (1983)

~ monsterhunter ~ 1 Comment

SevenMagnificentGladiatorsVHSCoverThe ancient world was one where Gods walked among mere mortals. Gods who were endowed with powers such as immortality, superior fighting skills, magic swords, and leather outfits any of you kinky bastards would be proud to prance around in. And we’re talking both the girls and guys – the ancient world was not as repressed as us modern types. And these Gods had names that we recognize even today! Names such as Brad Harris! Sybil Danning! And the most incredible of them all, Lou Ferrigno!

Some of you may be nodding your head in recognition as you surely recall Brad, Sybil, and Lou in the Italian sword and sandal classic of 1983, Hercules. Yes, it was a thrilling tale of bad special effects and bears being hurled into outer space, but why rehash that spectacularly sweaty piece of trash again? Continue reading “The Seven Magnificent Gladiators (1983)” →

Ulysses Against the Son of Hercules (1962)

~ monsterhunter ~ Leave a comment

Ulysses Against the Son of Hercules PosterThis movie was kind of like Midnight Run, only, you know, not as good. In this Italian strongman epic, Pericles is charged with bringing in Ulysses because Ulysses offended the gods by poking out the eye of some cyclops that just happened to be the son of Neptune. (Who knew, right?)

Pericles immediately gets to work on his mission and the next thing we know he’s on a Phoenician pirate ship ramming Ulysses’ boat and taking him captive. I won’t lie to you. When I first I got a look at Ulysses, I was kind of put off by his short blonde hair, his old wore out look and his generally skeevy nature. Continue reading “Ulysses Against the Son of Hercules (1962)” →

Revolt of the Praetorians (1964)

~ monsterhunter ~ Leave a comment

RevoltofthePraetoriansPosterThe historical record of the assassination of the Emperor Domitian being a combination of mundane palace intrigue and anti-Domitian bias clearly wasn’t the stuff of a sword and sandal fetish film starring tanned hunk Richard Harrison so it was left to first time director Alfonso Brescia to make the story much more well hung with action, all in the patented Italian style of the era. So it is then that Domitian finds himself being beset by a commando raid of jugglers lead by a midget!

It is a testament to the greatness of both the film and Brescia (Cross Mission, Beast in Space) that such an event not only didn’t seem silly, but entirely necessary! After all, those jugglers carried clubs which could be used to clout unfriendly Roman guards to unconsciousness while storming the secret passage that ran underneath the palace! Continue reading “Revolt of the Praetorians (1964)” →