Taur the Mighty (1963)

Taur the Mighty Italian PosterThe Italian sword and sandal flicks of the early 1960s got in a lot of reps and built up an impressive quantity of work. It doesn’t take a student of the genre to determine that this quantity didn’t exactly translate into quality of any degree. For the most part, the majority of them were interchangeable variations of some bodybuilder posing and rumbling around rickety sets, busting up extras, poorly costumed monsters, and engaging in laughable feats of strength. In short, these films were terrible. But even so, there was one thing you could say in their favor. At least they weren’t Taurible!

For starters, Taur can’t even get his own name right! The VHS cover refers to him as Tor, the onscreen title of the film calls him Taur, but everyone in the movie including himself, says he is Thor!

Even with that identity crisis though, at least he didn’t have to suffer the indignity of Harry Baird’s character, Ubaratutu! As silly as Ubaratutu is as a name, it was the least offensive part of the character! Continue reading “Taur the Mighty (1963)”

The Magnificent Gladiator (1964)

The magnificence of the titular gladiator of this film can be boiled down to his most muscular feature. No, not his pleasingly polished pecs, which of course stand out amongst all the wimpy Romans. And not even his Pompeii Pompadour which surely defeated several Roman legions with its impressive height. That which made this particular Hercules worthy of the name was his shredded smile!

It is understandable that in many of these sword and sandal epics from the 1960s that our bronzed babe of beef would probably be lacking in the smiles department. Invariably, the home village was burned, family and/or wife killed or kidnapped, lots of straining to lift, tear up and throw assorted ancient world items, and even some good old fashioned torture really don’t provide much of a “turn that frown upside down” opportunity. Continue reading “The Magnificent Gladiator (1964)”

Ursus in the Valley of the Lions (1961)

Ursus Lion Poster 2 ResizedIt took until the fourth movie in Ursus’ nine movie career to finally unleash his secret origin. Was it because it was too painful for Ursus to relate to us? Was there some secret shame that drove him to muscularly right the wrongs so pervasive in the ancient world he inhabited? Was there an Uncle Ben lurking in his background somewhere?

Uh no, this isn’t an angst-ridden story about some pussy bug boy! This is the tale of the most bad ass of Italian bad ass bodybuilder flicks! Just how bad ass? Four words: raised by freaking lions! Continue reading “Ursus in the Valley of the Lions (1961)”

Atlas Against the Czar (1964)

If you’ve ever wondered what would have happened if Doctor Zhivago spent less time pumping broads and more time pumping iron, Atlas Against the Czar is the vodka-fueled delirium tremens Russian fairytale answer!

And like Doctor Zhivago author Boris Pasternak and all the other great Russian storytellers, director Tanio Boccia (who is technically Italian, but has a distinctly deliberate Russian style as evidenced by his use of dance scene only three minutes into the movie and then spending a full third of the movie concentrating on the Czar’s archeological expedition) explores themes common to Russian literature such as suffering, evil Czars, and of course greased up hunks! Continue reading “Atlas Against the Czar (1964)”