The single greatest movie character ever invented? The cop on the edge! He’s the guy who plays by his own rules, is often times on suspension, and frequently gets cussed out by his superior for “violating” some obscure “right” that’s been conferred on the criminal scum of this nation by a liberal activist judge. We know their names like our family’s names. Dirty Harry, John McClane, Mel Gibson, those two black guys in the Bad Boys movies, and Farley Wood. Continue reading “Cop Target (1990)”
Category: Umberto Lezni
Black Demons (1991)
Umberto Lenzi‘s Black Demons is notable because it’s a zombie movie where even the zombies can’t act. When you think about it, that’s really a hard thing to accomplish. I mean, how hard is it to shamble around with glop dripping off your face while some ugly, no-name starlet is tripping over some imaginary tree stump in the front yard of her isolated Brazilian villa? For the six guys they pulled out of the mission and dressed up in fake eyeballs, it turned out to be nigh impossible. Continue reading “Black Demons (1991)”
Hitcher in the Dark (1989)
Hitcher in the Dark‘s plot may make you think at first glance that this might be properly put along side giallo films such as Spasmo (also from director Umberto Lenzi) what with its tale of a rich pud cruising around the Virginia coast picking up ugly 1980s girls and remaking them to look like his ugly Russian mother. But while the story line may scream “artless Psycho rip-off in an RV,” the credits tell a different story and make a strong case for this being lumped in with such landmarks of Lenzi lameness as Black Demons. Continue reading “Hitcher in the Dark (1989)”
Nightmare Beach (1989)
Who is the deranged maniac that’s killing off all the spring breakers in south Florida? And by “all the spring breakers” I mean one hitchhiker, one biker babe, one call girl, one peeping tom, one all-conference wide receiver, and one spring breaker.
Is it the corrupt and perpetually pissed off police chief with bondage gear and photos of dead girls in his trailer? Is it the mayor who’s trying to keep a lid on the killings so as not to hurt business? Is it the reverend who constantly nags his ugly daughter to go to church and stop drinking Old Milwaukee?
Or maybe it’s the biker leader who got the electric chair for a crime he didn’t commit. Or perhaps it’s the alcoholic doctor who shoots himself while he’s on the phone with the mayor. Okay, it’s probably not him. Continue reading “Nightmare Beach (1989)”